Did You Just Say…...

Here we go with another dating site guy.  We both run….well I kinda run…..he for real runs.  He decided we should meet up for a Saturday morning run.  I was game and agreed to meet up with him.  We knocked out the three miles and chatted afterwards.  As I was walking to the car, he asked if we could meet up that evening.

Later in the day, he texted, "Dinner and a movie?"  I texted back, "Sure." He then texted, "Your place or mine?"  I texted, "When you mentioned a movie, I thought you meant a theater.  I still have not seen Straight out of Compton.  Homes are not an option." He then texted, "Let's just do drinks."

We agreed to meet at a popular martini bar and really hit it off.  He was very easy to talk to.  We soon got on the topic of marriage and kids.  He informed me that he was married before, but divorced a few years back.  He then told me he had three kids.  I just assumed he and his ex-wife had children.  No-no, he had three kids from three different women excluding his ex wife.  I grabbed my imaginary pearls.  Jesus take the wheel!

Turns out he had a one night stand that resulted in a child, he had another child with an ex girlfriend that he straight up told me he had no intentions on marrying, and his other child was conceived when he was teen.  There is such a thing as over sharing.  In my mind, I kept a smile on my place.  Not 100% sure I maintained that face for that portion of the conversation.  Has this man ever heard of a condom?

As we continued talking, he told me how he ended up in his present city.  He met a girl and they became a couple.  She got into law school and they relocated.  The first thing that popped into my head was that he left his young children in Cali and Chicago to relocate for a girlfriend.  I asked, "Do you get them in the summer or for holidays?"  He told me he doesn't see his kids as much as he would like but his kids know who their dad is.  What does that mean?  Although I am not a parent, I do know the importance of being an active and present parent.  He and the woman he moved for broke up and he decided to remain in his new city.

I just couldn't get past his parenting style.  His youngest child is 4 and Dad is nowhere to be around.  Every state where he has resided, he has created a child.  He is fertile, clearly, and I will not be baby mama #4.

Iyanla Fix His Life

I started communicating with this particular guy and he appeared to be well adjusted.  I was wrong.  He used to be well adjusted.  I have a talent for meeting guys  in their "recovery" period.  Our initial phone calls were cool and he definitely did a great job staying in contact…..in the beginning.

We were supposed to go skating for our first date, but when we arrived it was a little too hood for his taste.  Instead, we went to a park and talked for hours.  Several things were discussed - his first marriage, his second marriage that happened 3 months after his divorce, his second divorce, the death of his beloved dog, wanting to change careers, and his mother staying with him due to a recent illness.  He had a lot on his plate.

I am not cold hearted and willing to work with a person, but with him it was always something.  He was consumed with competing in dog competitions.  Every weekend he would drive off to another state to compete.  He even bought a van to convert to make it more comfortable for his dog.  At the same time he would get sad every month on the anniversary date the other dog was killed.  It's hard to comfort a person you have just met.

Now I mentioned he had been married twice.  The first marriage lasted 7 years, if I remember correctly. He said it was amicable between them and no hard feelings.  Instead of taking personal time after the divorce, he rushed and married another woman who was the extreme opposite of his first wife.  Before the ink could dry completely, he was married to wife #2.  That marriage ended in under 60 days.  This woman was giving him hell, post divorce proceedings, to the point that he could potentially serve jail time……...over a car.

I am super family oriented so I fully support his decision to take care of his mother.  He is a very loving son and an only child.  His mom required a certain level of support and he stepped up.

In addition, to the previous he was in the process of changing careers.  Literally, he was all over the place.  In his 40's he was considering law school.  To this day I am still not quite sure what he did for a living.  I know he had rental properties, competed in dog shows, and rented out his luxury cars.

Now you may be wondering, where did I fit in?  That's the problem.  He had nothing else to give.  We had our initial park date, worked out together, and met for breakfast once.  He kept insisting he liked me and knew he needed to do better, but never followed through.  He asked for second and third chances.  To top it off, he would always tell me about all the great things he did in past relationships.  Do I look like I give a damn about what you did for them?

One day I just stopped responding and he quickly caught on.  For the few months we interacted,  I was supportive, tried to be understanding, and really tried to work with him. BUT SWEET LORD OF THE LAMB, there is only so much a person can take.  I hope he has worked through some of his issues.

What The Hell?

Matched with this recently divorced guy through Tinder.  Although he had not been divorced long, he didn't appear to have any baggage or obvious issues.  We decided to meet up at a ghost bar located downtown.  I had never been there and thought this was pretty neat first date.

I arrived at the bar and immediately recognized him.  I was thankful he looked like his pics.  We had a couple of drinks and ended up leaving the bar to walk around downtown.  In my head I was thinking, "Oh shit, he appears to be normal."  That is rare for Tinder dates.  After that day, we kept in contact on a regular basis via phone calls and texts.

About two weeks go by and I am returning from a business trip.  I casually told him I would be eating cereal for dinner because it had been a long day.  He told me I could swing by his house.  He had cooked a large meal and had no problem sharing.  I decide to take him up on his offer.

Once I arrived, he fixed my plate and we ate.  It was pretty good even though it completely went against my meal plan, lol.  Afterwards we watched TV and chatted.  It was getting late so I decided to go home.  I thought the evening went well, but I noticed he didn't walk me to my car from his apartment.

The following week I heard from him here and there.  He has joint custody of his kids so I know he has limited availability.  Plus, we were in the getting to know you phase.  One particular day he mentioned that he wished I had spent the night the other evening.  I told him had I done that, I would have slept on the couch.  He told me he figured that much and chuckled.  I quote, "You don't seem like one of those type of women."

A couple of days later I hit him up to see if he wanted to meet up.  That is when he hit me with the jab/punch combo - "Hey you are very nice and fun to hang out with, but I don't think we have chemistry.  If you want to just meet to hang I am fine with that."

Sir, I need another homeboy like I need a bullet to my head. I seriously had a "WTF" moment.  Things had been so chill and a couple of weeks had passed with no problems.  I mean sheesh, you just had me over for dinner.  Trust me, I know what it is like to not have chemistry with a person.  This whole blog is dedicated to it!

I honestly think he wanted a booty buddy and when he figured that wasn't going to happen, I got dropped faster than a bad habit.  For about 30 seconds, my feelings were hurt.  Then again, he had only been divorced for 4 months……my bad for going near him with a 10 foot stick.

Show Me Your Pics!

This may sound weird, but I don't like sending pics of myself to someone I've met through a dating site.  I figure I have posted a good amount of photos on my profile.  If we click in real life, we'll end up taking pic together via selfies, outings, etc.

One particular man could not respect that.  We started messaging through a dating site and he left me his number.  I sent him a text so he could have my number.  Things were pleasant, but we had yet to have an actual phone call.

A few days later he started asking for pics.  I told him no.  He then wanted an explanation.  I don't owe this man a thing, but I politely texted I don't know him personally and that my profile has enough pics.  He then went on and on about how he has been catfished and wanted pics as proof I was in fact who I said I was.  I quickly shut that down explaining the only way to know if someone is catfishing you is to meet up.  Anyone can send pics.

I could tell he was getting aggravated but I did not care.  He then took the approach and said he could tell I liked him, but the only way to move forward was for me to send pictures.  Don't know what gave him that idea……bruh, for real?!?  I had to send my retort that he assumed too much, I have no attachment to you, we have never had a phone call, and I offered to meet him at a coffee shop the other day to prove I was in fact myself.

Needless to say I did not send him any pics and his backward thinking ass needs to reassess his debating skills.

A Tad On The Cheap Side

I understand it is expensive to actively date especially if you are using a dating site.  There have been times that I have paid for myself, picked inexpensive spots like coffee shops, or free outings.  At the same time, if you decide to date there are expenses that come with it.

I will just call this guy "Bob" for blog purposes.  We linked up on a dating site.  After the normal routine of introductions and messages, we exchanged numbers.  He scheduled a date for a Sunday evening but two hours before I was supposed to meet him he came up with some lame excuse and cancelled.  A hour later he changed his mind and fessed up that he went to the gym and forgot his real clothes.

I still met up with him at a local Mexican spot and the date was okay.  I kept trying to engage him in conversation, but he was semi dry.  The only thing he talked about was the gym and grocery shopping.  I blamed it on first date jitters.  I could tell he was a nice guy.  A few days later he asked if I wanted to meet for dinner after word.  We literally stay over a hour from each other but that particular day I was doing a presentation in an area that was a happy middle.

I told him he could pick the next spot.  Honestly, I get so tired of coordinating events and "thinking" that when a man plans an entire date I am secretly doing the tootsie roll dance inside.  He suggested Salata.  At the time I was not familiar with this establishment and told him to send me the address.  I enter it in my gps and it shows it is near a mall.  This particular mall has restaurants on its property like The Cheesecake Factory and Eddy V's Steakhouse. I just figured we were going to some place near the mall property.  My GPS kept indicating Salata was INSIDE the mall.

Jesus take the wheel, Salata was in the food court of the mall.  Our dinner date was a semi fast food chain.  Salata is like Chipotle for salads.  What the hell?!?  This was a first.  When we got to the end of the ensemble line, he told them 2 cups for water.  I believe our combined total was under $15.  Our first date had a waiter, this date not so much.

For the third date, he told me he had tickets to a museum exhibit from Groupon.  Longest field trip EVER!!!  He wouldn't talk.  Here we are checking out this great exhibit showcasing Samurai Warriors and I am with a mute.  It's a sad day when playing Candy Crush would have been more engaging.  Afterwards, I suggested we grab something to eat….my treat.  We go to Torchy's Tacos.  He orders chips/guac, three tacos, and a beer.  Now hold up did this man not order me a water cup the other day?  So on my dime he orders over $20 worth of food, but if he pics the spot it's fast food.  Mental note!

Seeing as I am a glutton for punishment, I agree to a forth meet up. This time he tells me I can pick the spot.  He liked the area near Torchy's Tacos.  I recommended a place called Cyclone Anaya.  I promise this is an affordable restaurant.  After I texted him my recommendation, there was 5 minute pause and he replied that we should go to Chicken Kitchen.  I am guessing he went to their website.  Folks, I encourage you to view the menu links: Cyclone Anaya and Chicken Kitchen.  Cyclone Anaya is a restaurant with a great atmosphere and Chicken Kitchen is like Chipotle.  Are we noticing a pattern?  Do not ask me to pick and turn it down for a semi fast food joint.

I show up to Chicken Kitchen and it is closed…..Praise God!  The restaurant I wanted was open and a 2 minute walk.  He still insisted on finding something else.  He picked Zoës Kitchen……a Mediterranean Chipotle.  At this point I know my face said it all…..this was going to be our final meet up.  Pick a struggle, you can't be cheap and not hold a conversation.

I should have known better better when he said he and his family do celebratory gatherings at ChaChos!

***ChaChos is equivalent to Taco Cabana.***

And Why Would I Do This?

Met up with this guy from a dating site.  On paper he appeared to have it together so I was comfortable enough to meet up for dinner.  The dinner went well and we had some follow up phone calls. After about a week, I didn't hear from him.

A few weeks go by and he sends me a text.  He asked what I was doing and I told him I was prepping for a presentation before hitting the road.  I had to present the next morning in a city 2 hours away.  It was already past 9 pm and I was pushing it leaving so late.

Ole boy started insisting I stop by his house first.  I reminded him I was driving, not flying to my destination and had an early morning.  I swear he sent a dissertation on why I should stop by his home. If he could have seen my facial expressions during that moment, he would know the level of disdain that instantly formed.

First off we only went out once.  It was pleasant enough, not magical.  Second, he disappeared for a few weeks.  Third, he is essentially a stranger……I am not going to your home.  Clearly, he needs help in managing his expectations.  There was no way I was going to get on the road super late just to see him.  Plus anyone that doesn't have my well being in mind is not for me.

Do you think he offered to chat on the phone while I drove or even checked to see if I made it to my hotel……hell nah.  Now let's fast forward 6 months later.  I get a text asking, "How am I?"  I had long deleted his number.  It took him about 5 minutes to remind me who he was.  I told him, "You must be bored and scrolling through your phone."  He tried to assure me that was not the case.  I respectfully told him I was no longer interested and wished him the best.

A couple of days later I had dinner with some girlfriends and told them about the exchange.  One friend chimed in and asked if his name was "xyz."  Turns out he hit her up with the same messages on the same day….lol.  ***We both are on dating sites***

Tell The Truth, Shame The Devil!

Tinder strikes again!  I matched with this one guy and we instantly hit it off.  After a few days of messaging, we decided to exchange numbers.  Shortly after that, I departed for a vacation out of the country.

To my surprise, he kept messaging me and kept in contact.  Well since we live in such a tech savvy world, I decided to search his phone number on Facebook.  His profile popped up and it was public….jackpot!

In our exchanges he told me he was single, raising his son, former military, and divorced.  BUT after examining his FB page it would appear he is very much in a relationship, has two sons, and family oriented.  While I was out of town, he kept insisting on meeting up when I returned.  I was a bit confused.  Is he one of those FB people who had not updated his page, did he and the woman recently break up, or was he a liar.

I get back to the states and agree to meet up with him at a spot similar to Dave & Busters. We actually hit it off so much he was trying to schedule date #2.  Throughout the date, I kept throwing hints out that  something wasn't quite right.  For example, I threw out how nice it was to meet up with a single person because I have come across so many profiles of married men.  I asked who was watching his young son since he relocated from another state.  I asked about the previous marriage and if he had been in a serious relationship since then.

Got him to slip up and admit he had a three year old in addition to the 12 year old.  He said that child's mother was a friend and not a girlfriend.  He went on and on about how it would not have been fair to start a relationship with her immediately after his divorce.  They got drunk one night and didn't use protection.  Folks, I was almost convinced.

I decided to view his FB page one more time.  I noticed he had a woman was tagged in all the pics.  I decided to click on her profile and saw we had a common friend.  I hit up my girl and got all the tea.  Yes he is very much in a relationship with the woman in the pic, they relocated to Houston together, she raises both kid (birthed the youngest), been together for years, and sadly she is one that was probably babysitting while we were on our fun date.

No need for a confrontation, I simply blocked his number and kept it moving.

Tinder Chronicles….lol

I've actually had friends that have been successful with Tinder…….I am not one of those chosen one.  I still keep the app on my phone.  It helps kill time and every blue moon I go on a date.  

Below, I will post some of my observations:

Your Wife Has No Friends

I can't tell you how many times I have come across the profiles of married men.  Not just any married men, but the husbands of women I know.  Mind you these are women I consider associates, not my near and dear friends.  If it were the latter  I would have set it off with phone calls, screen shots, etc.

Now you may be wondering why not tell the other women.  I have learned relationships are complicated, a lot of these women know who they are married to, and people get very defensive when someone they are loosely associated with interferes.  I always wonder if these wives have friends on the app debating if they should tell.

Tinder recently sent an update where they got rid of a feature that would let you know the last time someone logged in.  Somehow I have a feeling it has to do with all the married men still logging on.


You Have Got To See This

So my friends and I have started taking screen shots of some of the tom-foolery people post.  I have come across a few cross dressers, drag queens, and transgendered profiles.  Then there are the infamous penis pics.  No one wants to see that AND that pic will now be the topic of a group chat.

In additional to the colorful pictures, the actual profile descriptions are better than a good book!  Everyone thinks they are Christian Grey now.  I have come across at least 10 profiles requesting bondage, submissives, whips, chains, and everything in between.  Then there are the married men who let you know off top they are looking to play.  Hey, at least they are honest and you know ahead of time to swipe left.


Radio Silence

You get in your swiping groove and actually start to match with people.  One would think, this is great.  In the Tinder world this means nothing.  After you've matched with a person, you can now directly communicate with that person.  A lot of the men on there must be looking for permanent pen pals.  You will consistently get messaged but nothing else or you will never get a message at all.  How about we meet in real life?

*Recent study showed 42% of the people using the app are in relationships and 30% are straight up married.  Swipe at your own risk.


Glamour Shots

So you finally decide to meet and he's looking at you and you are looking at him.  Who the hell is this? Did you take Glamour Shots?  This person found all the right lighting the day they posted that pic.  I post pics that look like me.  I match my profile unlike these DREAM KILLERS!

Drink Bleach!

A friend of mine met a great guy on Match.com and they are thriving.  I believe she has met "the one." In the past, I have tried Match and it was a hot mess.  I don't meet the well adjusted people on the commercials.  I end up with the "touched" individuals.

But being a half full vs. empty type of person, I told her I would give it 30 days.  Thankfully Groupon had a coupon for $15.  I just didn't have the heart to pay full price.  I go ahead and set up my account and let the games begin.

Instantly my inbox is flooded and I go through the screening process.  Here's a list of honorable mentions:
- You like white boys?  Let's go out.
- Hey sexy, we going out.
- I feel connected to you.
- I'm horny, let's meet up.
- The guy who only texted after 10 PM.

One in particular, really made me want to slap the dog ish out of him.  He sent me a message introducing himself.  I checked out his profile and followed up with a response.  We go back and forth and eventually exchange numbers.  Heaven forbid someone actually has a phone conversation.  He sends me a text asking about my weekend.  I told him some friends and I stayed at a beach house to celebrate a birthday.

Now this is where he took it to a dark place.

Match Guy: Since you were at the beach, I know you have a swimsuit pic.  Send me one.
Me: It was in the low 60's, strong winds, and mist.  There were no swimsuits being worn that day.
Match Guy: I know you have to have a bikini pic in the archives.  Send one of those.
Me: Ummmmm……NO.  You are essentially a stranger.
Match Guy: Don't act like I am one of those weird internet guys.  You are on a dating site.
Me: Had you taken the time to get to know me, my last name, and spend quality time with me you probably would have seen me in a swimsuit in person.  But instead you chose to be raunchy and disrespectful.  I don't owe you shit.
Match Guy: Wait, I just wanted to have a picture of you so I wouldn't have to keep logging in to the site.  You have a nice smile and facial features.  Just curious what the rest looks like.
Me: You are back peddling and I have full length pictures posted.  You specifically asked for a swimsuit picture.  I hope your daughter gets asked for a swimsuit picture the next time she meets a guy.  Let's see if it's all smiles then.
Match Guy: You could be missing out on a blessing blowing me off.
Me: I don't think God intends for my future man to come at me in a raunchy manner.  Stop all communication with me, delete my information, I am not interested.

From there he sends two more texts.  I don't open them, I delete them.  I also blocked him on Match.

So the end of month has come and gone when I receive a text from an unsaved number.

Unknown: You got a man now.  I just wanted to check.
Me: I do not have this number saved, who is this?
Unknown: This is your future man (insert picture).  I am working in my office.
***I recognize the picture as him and delete the text***
Unknown: Stop acting up.  It is time to make up.
***Insert Crickets…….delete, delete, delete***

So now I see he is disrespectful and delusional. #fml

Not Again…..Damn Introverts!

So perhaps meeting men at conferences is not a good thing.  If you read my previous post, you'll know I met "The Old Man" at one.

During October 2013, I went to a party for a conference.  Hundreds of people were everywhere.  My friends and I were having a blast.  After a few hours, my feet turned against me.  There were no chairs at this party, so I found the wall.  It was there that I noticed "hazel eyes."  He was adorable: tall, bald, cute, and hazel eyes.

We started chatting and shared a few laughs, but it was getting late.  I thanked him for our chat and proceeded to walk away.  He stopped me and asked for my number.  I gave it to him and headed to my car.  The next day he called.  I was pleasantly surprised.  He didn't wait 3 days, lol.  We stayed on the phone for three hours.  The conversation was not forced.  Before we ended our call, he set up our first date.

The day had arrived for our first date.  He had me meet him at his home so he could drive.  I normally don't do that, but we had spoken everyday for 5 days straight so I was comfortable.  As we were walking to the car, he didn't open the car door.  I decided not to make a big deal out of it.  When we arrived at the eatery, he did get the door to the building and had good manners once inside.  I'm old school in the sense that I am big on manners and chivalry.  The night ended and I thought to myself, "This has potential."

After that initial date, we started hanging out on a routine basis.  The problem is that it was always at his house.  I wanted more dates.  We were in the courting phase, not the long term phase.  I brought it up a couple of times and he would blow it off.  After about six weeks of no dates, I told him the only way he was going to see me was if we had date night.  He complied.

More time is passing by and I feel like he pulled a bait and switch on me.  What used to be daily phone calls turned into texts.  What used to be decent texts turned into short hand messages like "wyd."  I was completely confused.  I had the sinking feeling I dated his "representative" the first month and now I was starting to see the real him.  He couldn't even make it 90 days before he started to suck.  Now I am just going along with the motions.

On a normal basis, I would have put in my resignation letter.  BUT, a cute face will buy you some time.  His time started running out when I got sick with flu like symptoms.  I told him I was ill.  All he did was text, "I hope you feel better."  To put things in perspective, my married homeboy heard I was sick and brought me food because I was too weak to move.  Any man you are dating, that can't check on you when you are genuinely sick is no good.

The next offense happened when I got a new job.  All he did was text, "You deserve it."  No congratulation card or pat on the back.  I had two different friends take me to dinner to celebrate my new position.  So much for having a support system.  Plus, when I would travel for my job he never checked to see if I made it safely.

Then there was Christmas.  I didn't get a thing from him, not even a candy cane.  I wasn't expecting a Gucci, but it had been two months.  Plus I got him a gift.  This man put no effort into anything.  All he was good for was sitting on his couch, working, and actively putting no effort into our courtship.

He also told me he hates "PDA."  That included hugs.  So on the few occasions we did go out, I wasn't allowed to hold his hand, sit too close, etc.  That pretty much sucked!  I am not overly mushy, but if you're my boo I feel entitled to some affection……sheesh.  Now if we were at his home, he was all about cuddle time.

I consider myself to be proactive.  I decided I was going to discretely try strategies from the 5 Love Languages, and see which one he responds to.  I tried them all and his dry ass was not appreciative of shit.  He barely said thank you.

It was now January and I had enough.  I was putting my best foot forward and he was putting in his pinky toe.  I had to send a "Dear John" text: I am not happy.  This is not the foundation I want to establish for a long term relationship.  I would like to be with someone who is enthusiastic about getting to know me and the courting process.  I wish you the best.

Do you know he never responded to that text.  Rude and detached to the bitter end.  Introverts work my last nerve when it comes to dating!

The Old Man

I was doing some volunteer work for an organization that will remain nameless.  My job was to welcome the attendants as they arrived at the hospitality suite.  I thought to myself…..no problem, just put on your happy face and you'll be fine.  One thing you should note is that I am known to have "Bitch Face." I promise I am a well adjusted and happy person, lol.

Guest are arriving, and my cheeks are hurting from all the smiling.  Low and behold, "The Old Man" shows up.  I welcome him to the suite and keep it moving.  Well, he didn't leave.  He looks me up and down, asked for my name, and had this goofy grin on his face.  At that point, I could have cared less about this.  I was just trying to look like the happiest person ever and could only focus on the task at hand.

A couple of hours go by and it's time to go home.  I make my way to the lobby and bump into "The Old Man."  During this time, he asked for my number.  Now that my cheeks had relaxed and I didn't have to worry about my "bitch face" I was more inclined to hold a conversation.  Turns out he was pretty cool.  We made plans to meet up the following day.

So let's fast forward.  After the conference weekend, we stayed in touch.  We didn't reside in the same city, but we did a good job with phone calls and routine texts.  It was during one of those conversations I discovered he was 17 years older than me.  I am so glad he told me that via phone conversation.  My face was no good after that.  After careful thinking, I decided "age ain't nothing but a number."

Some weeks have gone by and I was asked to go out of town with him.  We had a blast!  In my mind, I was thinking, "Dating an older person rocks."  He's established, gotten the "ho" out of his system, and knows how to communicate.  He even came to my city for my birthday weekend months later.  I "thought" we were having fun.

Welllllllllll, I might have spoken prematurely.  As the months passes, I was comfortable enough to "dig deeper."  I knew he was a divorcee' but I had not asked how long he had been divorced.  From the very beginning, I told "The Old Man" I was dating for potential and looking for long term.  He told me he was on the same page.  HE WAS NOT!  The ink had barely dried.  It had been less than six months since he and his ex-wife divorced.  Plus, he told me he was not interested in having additional children.  News alert, I am 17 years younger than him and plan to use these ovaries.

In addition, he started pulling disappearing acts.  What used to be daily calls turned into occasional texts.  I was not amused.  I called him out on his bull.  I then got the "I am an introvert" speech.  According to him, he has to have time to recharge.  Folks, please recall we don't live in the same city.  It's not like I pack a bag and camp out at his house for days on end.  It's not like I don't have a job, and spend all my time calling him.  It's not like I send 20 texts in a row.

It was time for "the talk."  I explained to "The Old Man" that I had been nothing but upfront with him and how he was contradicting himself.  I explained how I barely knew anything about him and he uses the whole extrovert speech as an excuse.  I had to break it down that I am not a toy that he can play with when he wants to.  I am a person who enjoys consistency.  In the end, he actually agreed to what I told him.  I thanked him and kindly let him know the damage had been done.  I made a mental note to myself, don't date self proclaimed introverts!

I am NOT THIRSTY!

So I decided to give the site "Plenty of Fish" another try.  I exchanged numbers with one guy, and we scheduled a meet and greet.  We met in the bar area of a local eatery, and things were nice enough.  We watched one of the play off games and had small talk.  Afterwards, he walked me to my car and I proceeded to my home.

When I got home, he gave me a phone call.  I thought it was his way of making sure I made it home safely.  He then asked me, "Had I invited you over to my place, would you have come?"  I tell him, "I would have respectfully declined."  He then asked, "Had I kissed you in the parking lot, would you have been mad?"  I tell him, "I would not have been mad, but it would have caught me off guard considering this was a meet and greet."  We chat for a few more minutes and then hang up.

For the next couple of days, we exchange texts.  He made sure to let me know he doesn't do phone calls.  Either face to face conversations or texts.  One day in particular, he sends me a text asking me to come over to his place to watch the game.  Mind you I don't know his last name.  I tell him I do not want to go to his place.  Instead, I suggest we meet at a sports bar.  He starts complaining telling me to come over, I should take a chance, I should trust him, etc.  I stand my ground and tell him no.  After that, I didn't hear from him.  I am so happy I didn't go over.  I have a feeling he would have tried to make a move.

Fast forward two weeks later.  I am at the gym and see him.  This is not the norm since he does not live near me.  I think he showed up on purpose.  While I'm on the elliptical, he is blowing up my phone.  I don't answer.  He eventually walks over to me. I roll my eyes and keep listening to my ipod.  Later that evening he calls again and sends texts.  The next day I answered his "So you done with me" text: My response: Yes, I am done.  You went ghost when I declined your invitation.  There is nothing to talk about.

I am not some naive booty call in the  making and will not entertain tom-foolery!

In Denial (Part 2)

In Denial (Part 1) gives you background info on Ole Boy.  Well, this is the cherry on top!

So you know when you first meet someone, you ask some very basic questions: Where are you from?  Have you been married?  What do you do?

I should have known something was off when he told me he was a principal of a high school.  I am very familiar with that high school and asked if the current principal resigned.  From there he tried to do damage control and tell me he was the principal of the 9th grade academy, within the school.  I, again, had to let him know that was not the case.  I flat out said, "You are an Assistant Principal." People, there is a difference and there is no need to lie about your position in life.

The next lie was about his upbringing.  He originally said he was from South Carolina.  Somehow I brought up Alabama within this conversation.  Of of a sudden, he is now from Alabama.  I told him I was confused.  He then said his mom relocated to South Carolina later in life, AFTER he was an adult.  I asked him, "Why did you say South Carolina?" He just changed the subject.  I am really starting to see he battles with the truth.

The third lie was the most offensive.  I asked him in the beginning had he ever been married.  He told me no, but he did have a daughter from a previous relationship.  What he failed to realize is that we live in a small world.  My current team member used to work at his school.  After out first date, I told her I went out with him.  In a non-malicious way she said, "Ohhh yeah, I remember he had a bad divorce."  Divorce?  I tell her, "No, he hasn't been married."  We go back and forth with this.  I even tell her, "Perhaps they were common law only."  My team member looks at me like I'm special.  Then, she hit me with the eww wee.  She gets her friend on the phone to confirm he used to be married.  Might I add, that friend attended the ceremony.

I have no problems with a divorce.  It's not that serious.  What I can't stand is a liar.  He lied to my face.  I wanted to give him a chance to "fix it."  I asked him again had he ever been married.  He again told me no.  He then said, "People have made that mistake before thinking he had been married."  Where they do that at?  I then told him, my team mate recalls you being married.  He still says no.  I then tell him, "She has a friend who attended the ceremony."  That is when the crickets started chirping, lol.  Haven't heard from him since.

Just to double check myself, I looked him up on the county clerk website.  He in fact had been married.  To top it off, he and his ex-wife had a child together.  He rather let people think he had a child out of wedlock than claim his ex.  Oh yeah, both of them have their daughter on the Facebook profile picture.  Case closed.

In Denial (Part 1)

I went to a mixer one evening with some friends.  Everyone was having a good time, including myself.  At one point I was standing off to the side when a guy tapped me on the shoulder.  We made small talk.  Afterwards, I kept it moving.  Later on that evening, he stopped me again and asked for my number.  He was handsome so we exchanged numbers.

The conversations were great.  He appeared to be real intelligent and fun.  For a moment, I thought this could work.  We finally set up a first date.  He told me to meet him at this nice restaurant for a late dinner.  I get to the restaurant first and it's almost empty.  This is weird considering it is Friday.  I make my way to the host, who politely asked me if I needed anything.  I tell him I am meeting someone for dinner and will take a table for two.  The host proceeds to tell me that the restaurant closed 10 minutes ago.  I pull out my phone to make sure I am at the correct location.  Ole boy tells me he is parking and on his way up.

As he enters the restaurant, I tell him the kitchen is closed.  He gets all flustered asking to see the manager.  I guess my word is not good enough.  After the manager confirms that the kitchen is closed, I make the suggestion to go to a sushi restaurant next door.  We get to the second spot and things are going well.  We have a good conversation over dinner, followed by cocktails at a nearby lounge.  The night ends with him walking me to the car.  I give him a hug and head home.  I decide the restaurant mishap was just a glitch.

We schedule a second date on a Wednesday.  He wants me to try an Italian restaurant.  Afterwards, we are supposed to go to the movies.  I was scheduled to meet him for 6:30 pm.  I arrive at 6:20 pm, and let him know I am there.  He tells me he is in route. Well, 40 minutes later he brings his happy ass on to the restaurant.  Oh yeah, he is buzzed.  Turns out he and his co-workers decided to go to happy hour after work.  He was having so much fun with them that he was extra late meeting me.  I promise had I not been so hungry, I would have left.  While I am eating dinner, he's picking away at a salad with glossy eyes.

At this point, we have missed the movie start time.  We stretch out dinner to catch the next showing.  This one is in 3D.  I am secretly happy he has to pay more for this showing.  Fifteen minutes into the movie, I hear some snoring.  Is this fool serious?  The booze and dark lighting knocked his butt out.  I decide not to wake him and enjoy the movie.  Once the credits roll, I wake him up.  This date has left a bad taste in my mouth.

We continue to stay in touch, then all of a sudden he's ghost.  I knew he was going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, but it' not like his phone doesn't work.  After almost a week, I hear from him and he asked if I could stop by his job.  I oblige.  While chatting in his office, he tells me he feels like he is the only one putting in work and that he is used to a woman actively pursuing him.  I had to control my facial expressions.  I paused, and shut that argument down in under a minute. By the end of it, he was apologizing to me.  His convenient amnesia did not amuse me.  I had to remind him that I've answered his calls, returned his calls, made calls, had him over to watch movies (Rated G evening), and managed to be on time to everything.

Now, I am starting to lose interest.  He is working my nerves.  On top of that, a family member suddenly passed.  I have to accompany my grandmother to California.  I sent ole boy a text message letting him know.  Two days later he calls to ask about my Sunday.  I tell him I am in California.  He's all confused.  At that point, I went into thug mode. "So damn dude, you not checking text messages now?" "Always whining about about not feeling the love."  "How about you scroll through that phone of yours."  I hear the click sounds and know he is checking my text.  Now it's "My bad." "So sorry." Blah, blah, blah.

I get back home and have had enough.  The next incident was the deal breaker.

The Blind Date

One of my former co-workers decided she wanted to fix me up with the IT guy.  I was reluctant, but agreed to it.  She went on raving on how he's so nice, polite, and I would just love him.  Already, I am doing the side eye because my former co-worker has no idea what I like in a man, and she is a lesbian.  Boris, Benzino.......they all look the same to her.  Clearly, there is a difference.  I decide to be a good sport and go.  My former co-worker sets it all up.  All I have to do is show up at a local restaurant, and be on time.

At this point, we have had no contact and I have have no clue what he looks like.  Basically, I am going to look for a confused brown person.  I get there on time, and find a spot at the bar.  He shows up a couple of minutes later.  As he walks up, I laughed internally.  I am 5'10" and he is 5'7".  I know he has to be 130 pounds soaking wet.  Physically, I am not feeling him.

After we get a table, we begin chatting and cover the basics: job, family, and fun.  It went downhill when we discussed fun.  I am single and young.  From time to time, I will go out with friends, travel, enjoy a festival, bowling, etc.  He told me his weekends consist of reading books, doing laundry, and napping.  He then seemed so confused by my social life.  Like I am supposed to feel bad for not being a hobbit.

The waitress comes around for our order.  I just get a glass of wine.  I've already eaten prior to arrival and want to wrap this date up.  He follows suit and orders a glass, as well.  I can tell he is struggling with the wine.  He confesses that he doesn't drink and will probably only have 3 sips total.  Now I am not saying you have to drink, but damn, put on your big boy pants or order a Coke.

The meet and greet is wrapping up.  As I make my way to my car, I know I will not be contacting him for a second encounter.  Clearly, he was thinking the same thing.  The next day I get an email from him telling me it is not going to work and that he wishes me luck in my journey for love.  Damn, he beat me to it........

What Was I Thinking?

There is a saying that states people show you who they are the first time. Lawd, I should have listened. A few years ago I met "Juice Head Gorilla." We attempted to date and it didn't work out. We had conflicting views on how couples should engage in safe sex. I believe couples should use protection. This man believes in free love after knowing someone for one second.

Let's fast forward three years later.  I am at a friend's holiday party and see Gorilla Boy. I speak and we are cordial. From there, he asked me to step outside to talk. While outside, he proceeds to tell me how he's always liked me, how he wants to seriously date me, and wants to start over.  It was actually sweet so I agreed to go out with him.

Our date went well, he's calling, returning texts........all that good stuff. I'm thinking, "Wow, he changed." I was wrong. This fool tried to assassinate me. He tries to pretend he is using/wearing protection and slips it off when you are not paying attention. HE HAD TO GO!!! That is morally wrong, nasty, sneaky, and not safe.

I am so glad I saw what I needed......ole nasty ass gorilla. Second chances, in this case, is for the birds.

I am NOT Girl 6

I decided to exchange numbers with this guy.  I promise he must suffer from split personalities or "keyboard courage." Keyboard courage is when you type some bold statements that you typically wouldn't say in person or on the phone.

In the era of texting, he chose to start texting first instead of having a phone conversation.  His text would start off with something like this: So you know you are sexy; You know you turn me on; Hey cutie with tons of annoying smiley faces.  Keep in mind this is all within days of exchanging numbers.  I was looking more for; How is your day? Want to meet for coffee? What do you do for a living.  This early in the game, I could care less if I "turn you on."  I am trying to see if you're sane!

So being the gross person he is, he always managed to take things to a "dark place."  For example, I was asked, "What did I do today?" I responded with work, some errands, and boot camp.  I kept it simple.  In return, this is what I got: So did you work out extra hard for me? I bet you look sexy in workout clothes? Send me a pic of you in your workout clothes.  You know you are turning me on.  I had to check my phone to see if he thought he dialed a 1-900 number.  Needless to say, I would pretend I never got the messages and change the subject.

There were many dimensions to his "sickness."  He kept sending shirtless pictures of himself followed by texts saying, "I know you like muscles, I can tell.  This pic is just for you.  This is a moment for both of us."  Errrr, I did not ask you for a picture, I don't care to see your bird chest, and what makes you think I like muscles?"  It was literally the same pose and facial expression in every pic.  He just had on different pants.  I kept asking, "Why do you keep sending pics."  His response: I know you want it.  Someone, anyone pray for that fool.

The crazy part is when we actually had phone conversations, he appeared normal.  It was fun and pleasant.  I thought well maybe if I ignore his lame passes, he would catch a clue and stop.  He didn't!  I even explicitly told him his comments make me feel like a piece of meat.  In return he apologized and said he would chill out.

It went downhill when he asked if I had tattoos.  I do indeed have non-visible tattoos and was dumb enough to tell him.  From there he says, "You're a naughty girl, I can tell.  I bet you have a bad side.  Tell me that you're naughty.  I bet you're a freak."  Of course he ended with his signature line: You know you're turning me on.  He next asked me to tell him my turn ons.  I had to let my "short bus" friend know my turn ons are not up for discussion and he is inappropriate.  Next, I told him, "Air itself seems to turn you on".  From there I proceeded to tell this lame we were not compatible and I would greatly appreciate it if we cease contact.  He agreed and told me I was too serious, he likes having fun.  This all started and ended in under a week. NEXT!!!!!!!

My 40 Before 40 List

Although I blog about dating, the title also says "what-nots."  This gives me the freedom to discuss other happenings in my life.  I decided to create a 40 before 40 list.  I have 10 years to complete my list.  I think I can do it!

1.  Cook every recipe in a cook book - My former roomie gave me a cook book one year and I've used a handful of the recipes.  I want to complete them all and take pictures of my masterpieces.

2.  I want to visit every continent, excluding Antarctica - So far I have been to North America and Asia.  I've traveled to several Central American countries and the Virgin Islands.  Still doesn't count as South America.

3.  I want to become 100% debt free - I used two credit cards while in grad school and for some traveling.  I want to pay them off and be done with them.

4.  I want to earn an MBA - I have one Masters, but I've always wanted an MBA.

5.  I want to get married - Lol, don't judge me!

6.  Go on a vacation by myself again - Perhaps I will go somewhere like Arizona where I can stay at the spa all day and relax.

7.  I want to go to Hawaii - It's just beautiful there!

8.  Do 5 pull ups in a row - I need some upper body strength and this goal will be good motivation.

9.  Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen - I will join my family and serve during Thanksgiving and Christmas, annually.

10.  Do at least 3 5K's a year - I am not much of a runner, so I can manage that distance without passing out.

11.  Take a photography class - I LOVE taking pictures.  I have been nicknamed the "Historian" by friends.

12.  I want to fully launch my professional organizing business - Feel free to visit http://www.eliteaccommodations21.com/ today! 

13.  I want to go on vacation with a love interest/boyfriend - I have traveled with friends and family, but never a romantic getaway.

14.  Go skiing - I am not a fan of the cold, but I want to try the bunny slopes at least once.

15.  Visit a waterfall - Hopefully I can do this while I'm in Jamaica!

16.  Look at the planets through a telescope - I want to visit one of those massive telescopes and explore the universe.

17.  Buy season tickets to a sporting event - Perhaps some friends and I can do this together and divide up the games.

18.  See Sade in concert - I just love her voice!

19.  Develop all my Shutterfly albums - I have over 300 albums on Shutterfly.  I want to develop them and arrange them in albums.

20.  Read the Bible cover to cover - I've read chapters referenced in church or covered in Bible studies, but never in its entirety.

21.  See "Wicked" on Broadway - I loved the book so I want to see it in New York.

22.  I want to meet Common - That man is beautiful to me!

23.  Learn to play golf - I have clubs that are collecting dust.  This way I can join my dad and grandpa on the course.

24.  Read 40 Books - Half Price Bookstore and I will become friends!

25.  I want to work my way up to six-figures - I want to retire with dignity.

26.  Take a cooking class - This includes making my grandmother teach me her recipes.  I love her cooking.

27.  Visit the Grand Canyon - Pretty fascinating that a nature carved this.

28.  Learn how to play Poker - I want to play at least one round in Vegas.

29.  Lose 15 pounds - I want to drop 15 pounds and keep it off permanently.

30.  Attend an AKA Boule - I've been to my Sorority's regional conferences, but never a national conference.

31.  Have enough in my savings to live off of for 2 years - I want to be financially responsibly and save wisely.

32.  Pray every morning and evening - It's good to have a conversation with God and a moment to reflect.

33.  Start using coupons - A penny saved is a penny earned!

34.  Read the Harry Potter series - I loved the movies.  Curious what details were left out.

35.  Visit Martha's Vineyard - I want to see if it's all it's hyped up to be.

36.  Get my yard professionally landscaped - I do not have a green thumb and I have a vision for my backyard.

37.  Take a White House tour - I've passed by it, but have never been inside.

38.  Have a Valentine for Valentine's Day - Last time I had one I was 24.

39.  Take my sisters on a vacation - This will require a lot of saving, lol.

40.  Visit all 50 United States - I have been to Alabama, Arizona, California, Georgia, Florida, Louisiana, Maryland, Minnesota, Mississippi, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Tennessee, Texas, and Virginia.  I have a lot of states to visit in 10 years!

My goals are attainable, and I will proactively try to accomplish my list!  Keep you posted.....

Online Dating

Where do I begin? Folks, there are some strange people in the world, and a lot of them like to join dating websites. Those commercials on TV showing "real dates" are lies I tell you. Matter of fact, a good friend of mine saw her actor friend featured on one. She congratulated him on the gig. The personality and social disorders I have encountered make me so glad there is a block feature on these sites. I will share some of the offenses:

1. Got an email asking if I liked anal sex. I am not playing. After I picked my jaw up, I quickly deleted and blocked this "man."

2. Got an email from a man that said he wanted to kiss the corns on my feet. I am happy to report I am corn free and have no desire for anyone to kiss my feet.

3. All the emails with sexual innuendos are so off pudding and not attractive. DO BETTER! Try, "How is your day?"

4. Got an email from a guy that lived with his "baby mama." He proceeded to tell me about their arrangement. Ummm, no thank you!

5. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, if you are separated you are STILL MARRIED! Move around and wait for the ink to dry.

6. Here's a classic: Do you like well endowed white men? Well Mr. Creepy I found that email inappropriate. This man proceeded to hound me via email and inquire why I wasn't responding. Soooo, I let 'em have it and went off. He brought it on himself.

7. Pictures with gold teeth, red cups, and white t-shirts. Enough said.

8. Bad Grammar! Since your first impression is an email, please take time to re-read before sending. I feel like I am grading a paper sometimes when I am reading these emails. Had to have a friend translate one time. I was getting a headache.

The stats are lies. Yes, there are some cases where two sane people found each other online. Do not believe the hype of commercials. It is a true weed out process. Kind of like playing the lottery, lol. If nothing else, it is a source of entertainment and blog material.

The Kingdom Of Far, Far Away

I met T.C. on a dating website.  For our initial meet and greet he picked an eatery in the Heights area.  This worked to my advantage since I was leaving a baby shower not too far.  Things go well and I think this has potential.  So I wait to see if he is going to call after our first date and he does.  Our phone conversation goes well and everything is clicking.

T.C. decides to schedule date #2.  I believe it was supposed to be on the following Wednesday.  Something came up and he asked if we could reschedule.  I don't have problems working with someone and scheduling, so I agree.  At the time he commented how appreciative he was that I didn't give him attitude. 

Our new day is Sunday.  I get out of church and give him a call.  He tells me he needs to push the time back to 3:00 pm.  I decided to kill some time at a friend's house.  I call again, and he says can we push it back to 5:00 pm.  Although I am getting annoyed, I agree.  It's getting close to 5:00 pm and I have not heard from him.  I decided to text to see if he wants to reschedule for another day.  He takes me up on my offer.  All that evening he is apologetic and promises we are going out on Wednesday.

Wednesday rolls around and we meet for crawfish.  Again, we are in the Heights area which is 5 minutes from his home.  We're laughing, vibing, and there's no awkward silence.  T.C. is telling me how he's glad he met me and looking forward to getting to know me better.  I am giving myself a "high 5" thinking I have met a "normal" guy.

Welllllllll, you know something went wrong if he ended up on the blog......lol.  The next week rolls around and I asked if he wanted to meet up for dinner.  He agrees.  It was set for a Monday.  When Monday rolled around, he sent me a text saying he couldn't make it.  He and his father were going to watch the NCAA Final Game.  I decided to let him make it since I know men love their sports.  The catch is that he did not suggest another day for dinner.  Later that week, I try to hang out with him and he tells me his workouts are so crucial that all he does is go to sleep when he gets home.

Let me catch you up, Mr. T.C. is obsessed with his schedule and his workouts.  Everything revolves around his gym workout.  This Gym Rat either has a serious obsession or selling me a dream.  I like to think it's a combo of the previous (I am just trying to make myself feel better, lol). It got to the point where I told him I was no longer suggesting outings because all he does is cancel.  Some how that did not offend him......bastard.

Now, week 3 has started.  In this time I have only seen him twice.  I hear from him on a regular basis still, but I am starting to think it's going no where since we never have in person time. Me being me, I decide to keep myself busy.  I am a social butterfly by nature.  I decided to use that Saturday to go out with my girls.  Once I got home, T.C. called to see what I was up to.  He asked to come over.

Once at my house, we're watching TV, talking, and cracking jokes.  We keep it very PG.  In my mind, this is only my third time seeing him although we have been talking/texting for 3 weeks.  It's getting late so it's time for him to leave.....no slumber parties taking place over here.  We kiss goodnight and all is well.  I am thinking perhaps he got a clue.

I was DEAD WRONG.  Tuesday, of week 4, I get a text asking if I want to go to dinner on Friday.  I accept.  I am disappointed that he texted versus calling.  I decided to shoot him a text asking if we can start having more phone calls.  He is a serial texter.  It's nice to hear a person's voice every once in a while.  He agrees and says he will start calling........he lied.

Thursday rolls around and he sends me the text that sent my jaw dropping: You are a great person and you are everything I am looking for.  I always enjoy myself around you, but we can no longer continue our relationship.  The distance is too much.  I really like you and want you to keep my number.

Folks, I went from Suzy Sunshine to Bonquisha.  All kind of four lettered words escaped my mouth.  I was beyond pissed.  I replied that I would have preferred for him to have called instead of sending this text.  He had the nerve to say that phone calls and texts are basically the same thing.  From there I told him that text insulted my intelligence.  We only live 25 MINUTES from each other.  What "distance" was he whining about?  Sir, we live in a major city, have cars, and jobs.  MAN UP!!! *** As a review we went on two dates that were 5 minutes from his home, he asked to come to my house, and I never requested he come to my side of town.***

There were a few more texts, but bottom line I ended with: I have no use for your number and don't desire a man that uses drive time as an excuse for not dating.  You act like you are in the Woodlands (60 minutes away).