What Was I Thinking?

There is a saying that states people show you who they are the first time. Lawd, I should have listened. A few years ago I met "Juice Head Gorilla." We attempted to date and it didn't work out. We had conflicting views on how couples should engage in safe sex. I believe couples should use protection. This man believes in free love after knowing someone for one second.

Let's fast forward three years later.  I am at a friend's holiday party and see Gorilla Boy. I speak and we are cordial. From there, he asked me to step outside to talk. While outside, he proceeds to tell me how he's always liked me, how he wants to seriously date me, and wants to start over.  It was actually sweet so I agreed to go out with him.

Our date went well, he's calling, returning texts........all that good stuff. I'm thinking, "Wow, he changed." I was wrong. This fool tried to assassinate me. He tries to pretend he is using/wearing protection and slips it off when you are not paying attention. HE HAD TO GO!!! That is morally wrong, nasty, sneaky, and not safe.

I am so glad I saw what I needed......ole nasty ass gorilla. Second chances, in this case, is for the birds.

I am NOT Girl 6

I decided to exchange numbers with this guy.  I promise he must suffer from split personalities or "keyboard courage." Keyboard courage is when you type some bold statements that you typically wouldn't say in person or on the phone.

In the era of texting, he chose to start texting first instead of having a phone conversation.  His text would start off with something like this: So you know you are sexy; You know you turn me on; Hey cutie with tons of annoying smiley faces.  Keep in mind this is all within days of exchanging numbers.  I was looking more for; How is your day? Want to meet for coffee? What do you do for a living.  This early in the game, I could care less if I "turn you on."  I am trying to see if you're sane!

So being the gross person he is, he always managed to take things to a "dark place."  For example, I was asked, "What did I do today?" I responded with work, some errands, and boot camp.  I kept it simple.  In return, this is what I got: So did you work out extra hard for me? I bet you look sexy in workout clothes? Send me a pic of you in your workout clothes.  You know you are turning me on.  I had to check my phone to see if he thought he dialed a 1-900 number.  Needless to say, I would pretend I never got the messages and change the subject.

There were many dimensions to his "sickness."  He kept sending shirtless pictures of himself followed by texts saying, "I know you like muscles, I can tell.  This pic is just for you.  This is a moment for both of us."  Errrr, I did not ask you for a picture, I don't care to see your bird chest, and what makes you think I like muscles?"  It was literally the same pose and facial expression in every pic.  He just had on different pants.  I kept asking, "Why do you keep sending pics."  His response: I know you want it.  Someone, anyone pray for that fool.

The crazy part is when we actually had phone conversations, he appeared normal.  It was fun and pleasant.  I thought well maybe if I ignore his lame passes, he would catch a clue and stop.  He didn't!  I even explicitly told him his comments make me feel like a piece of meat.  In return he apologized and said he would chill out.

It went downhill when he asked if I had tattoos.  I do indeed have non-visible tattoos and was dumb enough to tell him.  From there he says, "You're a naughty girl, I can tell.  I bet you have a bad side.  Tell me that you're naughty.  I bet you're a freak."  Of course he ended with his signature line: You know you're turning me on.  He next asked me to tell him my turn ons.  I had to let my "short bus" friend know my turn ons are not up for discussion and he is inappropriate.  Next, I told him, "Air itself seems to turn you on".  From there I proceeded to tell this lame we were not compatible and I would greatly appreciate it if we cease contact.  He agreed and told me I was too serious, he likes having fun.  This all started and ended in under a week. NEXT!!!!!!!

My 40 Before 40 List

Although I blog about dating, the title also says "what-nots."  This gives me the freedom to discuss other happenings in my life.  I decided to create a 40 before 40 list.  I have 10 years to complete my list.  I think I can do it!

1.  Cook every recipe in a cook book - My former roomie gave me a cook book one year and I've used a handful of the recipes.  I want to complete them all and take pictures of my masterpieces.

2.  I want to visit every continent, excluding Antarctica - So far I have been to North America and Asia.  I've traveled to several Central American countries and the Virgin Islands.  Still doesn't count as South America.

3.  I want to become 100% debt free - I used two credit cards while in grad school and for some traveling.  I want to pay them off and be done with them.

4.  I want to earn an MBA - I have one Masters, but I've always wanted an MBA.

5.  I want to get married - Lol, don't judge me!

6.  Go on a vacation by myself again - Perhaps I will go somewhere like Arizona where I can stay at the spa all day and relax.

7.  I want to go to Hawaii - It's just beautiful there!

8.  Do 5 pull ups in a row - I need some upper body strength and this goal will be good motivation.

9.  Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen - I will join my family and serve during Thanksgiving and Christmas, annually.

10.  Do at least 3 5K's a year - I am not much of a runner, so I can manage that distance without passing out.

11.  Take a photography class - I LOVE taking pictures.  I have been nicknamed the "Historian" by friends.

12.  I want to fully launch my professional organizing business - Feel free to visit http://www.eliteaccommodations21.com/ today! 

13.  I want to go on vacation with a love interest/boyfriend - I have traveled with friends and family, but never a romantic getaway.

14.  Go skiing - I am not a fan of the cold, but I want to try the bunny slopes at least once.

15.  Visit a waterfall - Hopefully I can do this while I'm in Jamaica!

16.  Look at the planets through a telescope - I want to visit one of those massive telescopes and explore the universe.

17.  Buy season tickets to a sporting event - Perhaps some friends and I can do this together and divide up the games.

18.  See Sade in concert - I just love her voice!

19.  Develop all my Shutterfly albums - I have over 300 albums on Shutterfly.  I want to develop them and arrange them in albums.

20.  Read the Bible cover to cover - I've read chapters referenced in church or covered in Bible studies, but never in its entirety.

21.  See "Wicked" on Broadway - I loved the book so I want to see it in New York.

22.  I want to meet Common - That man is beautiful to me!

23.  Learn to play golf - I have clubs that are collecting dust.  This way I can join my dad and grandpa on the course.

24.  Read 40 Books - Half Price Bookstore and I will become friends!

25.  I want to work my way up to six-figures - I want to retire with dignity.

26.  Take a cooking class - This includes making my grandmother teach me her recipes.  I love her cooking.

27.  Visit the Grand Canyon - Pretty fascinating that a nature carved this.

28.  Learn how to play Poker - I want to play at least one round in Vegas.

29.  Lose 15 pounds - I want to drop 15 pounds and keep it off permanently.

30.  Attend an AKA Boule - I've been to my Sorority's regional conferences, but never a national conference.

31.  Have enough in my savings to live off of for 2 years - I want to be financially responsibly and save wisely.

32.  Pray every morning and evening - It's good to have a conversation with God and a moment to reflect.

33.  Start using coupons - A penny saved is a penny earned!

34.  Read the Harry Potter series - I loved the movies.  Curious what details were left out.

35.  Visit Martha's Vineyard - I want to see if it's all it's hyped up to be.

36.  Get my yard professionally landscaped - I do not have a green thumb and I have a vision for my backyard.

37.  Take a White House tour - I've passed by it, but have never been inside.

38.  Have a Valentine for Valentine's Day - Last time I had one I was 24.

39.  Take my sisters on a vacation - This will require a lot of saving, lol.

40.  Visit all 50 United States - I have been to Alabama, Arizona, California, Georgia, Florida, Louisiana, Maryland, Minnesota, Mississippi, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Tennessee, Texas, and Virginia.  I have a lot of states to visit in 10 years!

My goals are attainable, and I will proactively try to accomplish my list!  Keep you posted.....

Online Dating

Where do I begin? Folks, there are some strange people in the world, and a lot of them like to join dating websites. Those commercials on TV showing "real dates" are lies I tell you. Matter of fact, a good friend of mine saw her actor friend featured on one. She congratulated him on the gig. The personality and social disorders I have encountered make me so glad there is a block feature on these sites. I will share some of the offenses:

1. Got an email asking if I liked anal sex. I am not playing. After I picked my jaw up, I quickly deleted and blocked this "man."

2. Got an email from a man that said he wanted to kiss the corns on my feet. I am happy to report I am corn free and have no desire for anyone to kiss my feet.

3. All the emails with sexual innuendos are so off pudding and not attractive. DO BETTER! Try, "How is your day?"

4. Got an email from a guy that lived with his "baby mama." He proceeded to tell me about their arrangement. Ummm, no thank you!

5. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, if you are separated you are STILL MARRIED! Move around and wait for the ink to dry.

6. Here's a classic: Do you like well endowed white men? Well Mr. Creepy I found that email inappropriate. This man proceeded to hound me via email and inquire why I wasn't responding. Soooo, I let 'em have it and went off. He brought it on himself.

7. Pictures with gold teeth, red cups, and white t-shirts. Enough said.

8. Bad Grammar! Since your first impression is an email, please take time to re-read before sending. I feel like I am grading a paper sometimes when I am reading these emails. Had to have a friend translate one time. I was getting a headache.

The stats are lies. Yes, there are some cases where two sane people found each other online. Do not believe the hype of commercials. It is a true weed out process. Kind of like playing the lottery, lol. If nothing else, it is a source of entertainment and blog material.

The Kingdom Of Far, Far Away

I met T.C. on a dating website.  For our initial meet and greet he picked an eatery in the Heights area.  This worked to my advantage since I was leaving a baby shower not too far.  Things go well and I think this has potential.  So I wait to see if he is going to call after our first date and he does.  Our phone conversation goes well and everything is clicking.

T.C. decides to schedule date #2.  I believe it was supposed to be on the following Wednesday.  Something came up and he asked if we could reschedule.  I don't have problems working with someone and scheduling, so I agree.  At the time he commented how appreciative he was that I didn't give him attitude. 

Our new day is Sunday.  I get out of church and give him a call.  He tells me he needs to push the time back to 3:00 pm.  I decided to kill some time at a friend's house.  I call again, and he says can we push it back to 5:00 pm.  Although I am getting annoyed, I agree.  It's getting close to 5:00 pm and I have not heard from him.  I decided to text to see if he wants to reschedule for another day.  He takes me up on my offer.  All that evening he is apologetic and promises we are going out on Wednesday.

Wednesday rolls around and we meet for crawfish.  Again, we are in the Heights area which is 5 minutes from his home.  We're laughing, vibing, and there's no awkward silence.  T.C. is telling me how he's glad he met me and looking forward to getting to know me better.  I am giving myself a "high 5" thinking I have met a "normal" guy.

Welllllllll, you know something went wrong if he ended up on the blog......lol.  The next week rolls around and I asked if he wanted to meet up for dinner.  He agrees.  It was set for a Monday.  When Monday rolled around, he sent me a text saying he couldn't make it.  He and his father were going to watch the NCAA Final Game.  I decided to let him make it since I know men love their sports.  The catch is that he did not suggest another day for dinner.  Later that week, I try to hang out with him and he tells me his workouts are so crucial that all he does is go to sleep when he gets home.

Let me catch you up, Mr. T.C. is obsessed with his schedule and his workouts.  Everything revolves around his gym workout.  This Gym Rat either has a serious obsession or selling me a dream.  I like to think it's a combo of the previous (I am just trying to make myself feel better, lol). It got to the point where I told him I was no longer suggesting outings because all he does is cancel.  Some how that did not offend him......bastard.

Now, week 3 has started.  In this time I have only seen him twice.  I hear from him on a regular basis still, but I am starting to think it's going no where since we never have in person time. Me being me, I decide to keep myself busy.  I am a social butterfly by nature.  I decided to use that Saturday to go out with my girls.  Once I got home, T.C. called to see what I was up to.  He asked to come over.

Once at my house, we're watching TV, talking, and cracking jokes.  We keep it very PG.  In my mind, this is only my third time seeing him although we have been talking/texting for 3 weeks.  It's getting late so it's time for him to leave.....no slumber parties taking place over here.  We kiss goodnight and all is well.  I am thinking perhaps he got a clue.

I was DEAD WRONG.  Tuesday, of week 4, I get a text asking if I want to go to dinner on Friday.  I accept.  I am disappointed that he texted versus calling.  I decided to shoot him a text asking if we can start having more phone calls.  He is a serial texter.  It's nice to hear a person's voice every once in a while.  He agrees and says he will start calling........he lied.

Thursday rolls around and he sends me the text that sent my jaw dropping: You are a great person and you are everything I am looking for.  I always enjoy myself around you, but we can no longer continue our relationship.  The distance is too much.  I really like you and want you to keep my number.

Folks, I went from Suzy Sunshine to Bonquisha.  All kind of four lettered words escaped my mouth.  I was beyond pissed.  I replied that I would have preferred for him to have called instead of sending this text.  He had the nerve to say that phone calls and texts are basically the same thing.  From there I told him that text insulted my intelligence.  We only live 25 MINUTES from each other.  What "distance" was he whining about?  Sir, we live in a major city, have cars, and jobs.  MAN UP!!! *** As a review we went on two dates that were 5 minutes from his home, he asked to come to my house, and I never requested he come to my side of town.***

There were a few more texts, but bottom line I ended with: I have no use for your number and don't desire a man that uses drive time as an excuse for not dating.  You act like you are in the Woodlands (60 minutes away).

Love Languages

Previously posted about the rules.  Here's the problem.....my "love language" makes it hard for me to follow the rules.  I am a "quality time girl" all day with "acts of service" tendencies.  The "fun" part is meeting someone on the same page or willing to "love" you using your language.

The 5 Love Languages

- Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

- Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

- Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

- Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

- Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

The Rules

Everyone keeps telling me, "You have to play the game," when it comes to dating.  I am not sure I am designed for it.  I'm a pretty laid back and literal person, so playing "the game" is the polar opposite.  Did a google search on a book called "The Rules."  It suggests not being so nice, not so supportive, and not so available.

The Rules

1. Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other"
2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
4. Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
5. Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls
6. Always End Phone Calls First
7. Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
8. Fill Up Your Time before the Date
9. How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3
10. How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
11. Always End the Date First
12. Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
13. Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
14. No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
15. Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy
16. Don't Tell Him What to Do
17. Let Him Take the Lead
18. Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
19. Don’t Open Up Too Fast
20. Be Honest but Mysterious
21. Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads
22. Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
23. Don't Date a Married Man
24. Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children
25. Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)
26. Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
27. Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It's Nuts
28. Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School
29. Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College
30. Next! and Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection
31. Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist
32. Don't Break The Rules
33. Do The Rules and You’ll Live Happily Ever After!
34. Love Only Those Who Love You
35. Be Easy to Live With