In Denial (Part 2)

In Denial (Part 1) gives you background info on Ole Boy.  Well, this is the cherry on top!

So you know when you first meet someone, you ask some very basic questions: Where are you from?  Have you been married?  What do you do?

I should have known something was off when he told me he was a principal of a high school.  I am very familiar with that high school and asked if the current principal resigned.  From there he tried to do damage control and tell me he was the principal of the 9th grade academy, within the school.  I, again, had to let him know that was not the case.  I flat out said, "You are an Assistant Principal." People, there is a difference and there is no need to lie about your position in life.

The next lie was about his upbringing.  He originally said he was from South Carolina.  Somehow I brought up Alabama within this conversation.  Of of a sudden, he is now from Alabama.  I told him I was confused.  He then said his mom relocated to South Carolina later in life, AFTER he was an adult.  I asked him, "Why did you say South Carolina?" He just changed the subject.  I am really starting to see he battles with the truth.

The third lie was the most offensive.  I asked him in the beginning had he ever been married.  He told me no, but he did have a daughter from a previous relationship.  What he failed to realize is that we live in a small world.  My current team member used to work at his school.  After out first date, I told her I went out with him.  In a non-malicious way she said, "Ohhh yeah, I remember he had a bad divorce."  Divorce?  I tell her, "No, he hasn't been married."  We go back and forth with this.  I even tell her, "Perhaps they were common law only."  My team member looks at me like I'm special.  Then, she hit me with the eww wee.  She gets her friend on the phone to confirm he used to be married.  Might I add, that friend attended the ceremony.

I have no problems with a divorce.  It's not that serious.  What I can't stand is a liar.  He lied to my face.  I wanted to give him a chance to "fix it."  I asked him again had he ever been married.  He again told me no.  He then said, "People have made that mistake before thinking he had been married."  Where they do that at?  I then told him, my team mate recalls you being married.  He still says no.  I then tell him, "She has a friend who attended the ceremony."  That is when the crickets started chirping, lol.  Haven't heard from him since.

Just to double check myself, I looked him up on the county clerk website.  He in fact had been married.  To top it off, he and his ex-wife had a child together.  He rather let people think he had a child out of wedlock than claim his ex.  Oh yeah, both of them have their daughter on the Facebook profile picture.  Case closed.

In Denial (Part 1)

I went to a mixer one evening with some friends.  Everyone was having a good time, including myself.  At one point I was standing off to the side when a guy tapped me on the shoulder.  We made small talk.  Afterwards, I kept it moving.  Later on that evening, he stopped me again and asked for my number.  He was handsome so we exchanged numbers.

The conversations were great.  He appeared to be real intelligent and fun.  For a moment, I thought this could work.  We finally set up a first date.  He told me to meet him at this nice restaurant for a late dinner.  I get to the restaurant first and it's almost empty.  This is weird considering it is Friday.  I make my way to the host, who politely asked me if I needed anything.  I tell him I am meeting someone for dinner and will take a table for two.  The host proceeds to tell me that the restaurant closed 10 minutes ago.  I pull out my phone to make sure I am at the correct location.  Ole boy tells me he is parking and on his way up.

As he enters the restaurant, I tell him the kitchen is closed.  He gets all flustered asking to see the manager.  I guess my word is not good enough.  After the manager confirms that the kitchen is closed, I make the suggestion to go to a sushi restaurant next door.  We get to the second spot and things are going well.  We have a good conversation over dinner, followed by cocktails at a nearby lounge.  The night ends with him walking me to the car.  I give him a hug and head home.  I decide the restaurant mishap was just a glitch.

We schedule a second date on a Wednesday.  He wants me to try an Italian restaurant.  Afterwards, we are supposed to go to the movies.  I was scheduled to meet him for 6:30 pm.  I arrive at 6:20 pm, and let him know I am there.  He tells me he is in route. Well, 40 minutes later he brings his happy ass on to the restaurant.  Oh yeah, he is buzzed.  Turns out he and his co-workers decided to go to happy hour after work.  He was having so much fun with them that he was extra late meeting me.  I promise had I not been so hungry, I would have left.  While I am eating dinner, he's picking away at a salad with glossy eyes.

At this point, we have missed the movie start time.  We stretch out dinner to catch the next showing.  This one is in 3D.  I am secretly happy he has to pay more for this showing.  Fifteen minutes into the movie, I hear some snoring.  Is this fool serious?  The booze and dark lighting knocked his butt out.  I decide not to wake him and enjoy the movie.  Once the credits roll, I wake him up.  This date has left a bad taste in my mouth.

We continue to stay in touch, then all of a sudden he's ghost.  I knew he was going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, but it' not like his phone doesn't work.  After almost a week, I hear from him and he asked if I could stop by his job.  I oblige.  While chatting in his office, he tells me he feels like he is the only one putting in work and that he is used to a woman actively pursuing him.  I had to control my facial expressions.  I paused, and shut that argument down in under a minute. By the end of it, he was apologizing to me.  His convenient amnesia did not amuse me.  I had to remind him that I've answered his calls, returned his calls, made calls, had him over to watch movies (Rated G evening), and managed to be on time to everything.

Now, I am starting to lose interest.  He is working my nerves.  On top of that, a family member suddenly passed.  I have to accompany my grandmother to California.  I sent ole boy a text message letting him know.  Two days later he calls to ask about my Sunday.  I tell him I am in California.  He's all confused.  At that point, I went into thug mode. "So damn dude, you not checking text messages now?" "Always whining about about not feeling the love."  "How about you scroll through that phone of yours."  I hear the click sounds and know he is checking my text.  Now it's "My bad." "So sorry." Blah, blah, blah.

I get back home and have had enough.  The next incident was the deal breaker.

The Blind Date

One of my former co-workers decided she wanted to fix me up with the IT guy.  I was reluctant, but agreed to it.  She went on raving on how he's so nice, polite, and I would just love him.  Already, I am doing the side eye because my former co-worker has no idea what I like in a man, and she is a lesbian.  Boris, Benzino.......they all look the same to her.  Clearly, there is a difference.  I decide to be a good sport and go.  My former co-worker sets it all up.  All I have to do is show up at a local restaurant, and be on time.

At this point, we have had no contact and I have have no clue what he looks like.  Basically, I am going to look for a confused brown person.  I get there on time, and find a spot at the bar.  He shows up a couple of minutes later.  As he walks up, I laughed internally.  I am 5'10" and he is 5'7".  I know he has to be 130 pounds soaking wet.  Physically, I am not feeling him.

After we get a table, we begin chatting and cover the basics: job, family, and fun.  It went downhill when we discussed fun.  I am single and young.  From time to time, I will go out with friends, travel, enjoy a festival, bowling, etc.  He told me his weekends consist of reading books, doing laundry, and napping.  He then seemed so confused by my social life.  Like I am supposed to feel bad for not being a hobbit.

The waitress comes around for our order.  I just get a glass of wine.  I've already eaten prior to arrival and want to wrap this date up.  He follows suit and orders a glass, as well.  I can tell he is struggling with the wine.  He confesses that he doesn't drink and will probably only have 3 sips total.  Now I am not saying you have to drink, but damn, put on your big boy pants or order a Coke.

The meet and greet is wrapping up.  As I make my way to my car, I know I will not be contacting him for a second encounter.  Clearly, he was thinking the same thing.  The next day I get an email from him telling me it is not going to work and that he wishes me luck in my journey for love.  Damn, he beat me to it........

What Was I Thinking?

There is a saying that states people show you who they are the first time. Lawd, I should have listened. A few years ago I met "Juice Head Gorilla." We attempted to date and it didn't work out. We had conflicting views on how couples should engage in safe sex. I believe couples should use protection. This man believes in free love after knowing someone for one second.

Let's fast forward three years later.  I am at a friend's holiday party and see Gorilla Boy. I speak and we are cordial. From there, he asked me to step outside to talk. While outside, he proceeds to tell me how he's always liked me, how he wants to seriously date me, and wants to start over.  It was actually sweet so I agreed to go out with him.

Our date went well, he's calling, returning texts........all that good stuff. I'm thinking, "Wow, he changed." I was wrong. This fool tried to assassinate me. He tries to pretend he is using/wearing protection and slips it off when you are not paying attention. HE HAD TO GO!!! That is morally wrong, nasty, sneaky, and not safe.

I am so glad I saw what I needed......ole nasty ass gorilla. Second chances, in this case, is for the birds.

I am NOT Girl 6

I decided to exchange numbers with this guy.  I promise he must suffer from split personalities or "keyboard courage." Keyboard courage is when you type some bold statements that you typically wouldn't say in person or on the phone.

In the era of texting, he chose to start texting first instead of having a phone conversation.  His text would start off with something like this: So you know you are sexy; You know you turn me on; Hey cutie with tons of annoying smiley faces.  Keep in mind this is all within days of exchanging numbers.  I was looking more for; How is your day? Want to meet for coffee? What do you do for a living.  This early in the game, I could care less if I "turn you on."  I am trying to see if you're sane!

So being the gross person he is, he always managed to take things to a "dark place."  For example, I was asked, "What did I do today?" I responded with work, some errands, and boot camp.  I kept it simple.  In return, this is what I got: So did you work out extra hard for me? I bet you look sexy in workout clothes? Send me a pic of you in your workout clothes.  You know you are turning me on.  I had to check my phone to see if he thought he dialed a 1-900 number.  Needless to say, I would pretend I never got the messages and change the subject.

There were many dimensions to his "sickness."  He kept sending shirtless pictures of himself followed by texts saying, "I know you like muscles, I can tell.  This pic is just for you.  This is a moment for both of us."  Errrr, I did not ask you for a picture, I don't care to see your bird chest, and what makes you think I like muscles?"  It was literally the same pose and facial expression in every pic.  He just had on different pants.  I kept asking, "Why do you keep sending pics."  His response: I know you want it.  Someone, anyone pray for that fool.

The crazy part is when we actually had phone conversations, he appeared normal.  It was fun and pleasant.  I thought well maybe if I ignore his lame passes, he would catch a clue and stop.  He didn't!  I even explicitly told him his comments make me feel like a piece of meat.  In return he apologized and said he would chill out.

It went downhill when he asked if I had tattoos.  I do indeed have non-visible tattoos and was dumb enough to tell him.  From there he says, "You're a naughty girl, I can tell.  I bet you have a bad side.  Tell me that you're naughty.  I bet you're a freak."  Of course he ended with his signature line: You know you're turning me on.  He next asked me to tell him my turn ons.  I had to let my "short bus" friend know my turn ons are not up for discussion and he is inappropriate.  Next, I told him, "Air itself seems to turn you on".  From there I proceeded to tell this lame we were not compatible and I would greatly appreciate it if we cease contact.  He agreed and told me I was too serious, he likes having fun.  This all started and ended in under a week. NEXT!!!!!!!

My 40 Before 40 List

Although I blog about dating, the title also says "what-nots."  This gives me the freedom to discuss other happenings in my life.  I decided to create a 40 before 40 list.  I have 10 years to complete my list.  I think I can do it!

1.  Cook every recipe in a cook book - My former roomie gave me a cook book one year and I've used a handful of the recipes.  I want to complete them all and take pictures of my masterpieces.

2.  I want to visit every continent, excluding Antarctica - So far I have been to North America and Asia.  I've traveled to several Central American countries and the Virgin Islands.  Still doesn't count as South America.

3.  I want to become 100% debt free - I used two credit cards while in grad school and for some traveling.  I want to pay them off and be done with them.

4.  I want to earn an MBA - I have one Masters, but I've always wanted an MBA.

5.  I want to get married - Lol, don't judge me!

6.  Go on a vacation by myself again - Perhaps I will go somewhere like Arizona where I can stay at the spa all day and relax.

7.  I want to go to Hawaii - It's just beautiful there!

8.  Do 5 pull ups in a row - I need some upper body strength and this goal will be good motivation.

9.  Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen - I will join my family and serve during Thanksgiving and Christmas, annually.

10.  Do at least 3 5K's a year - I am not much of a runner, so I can manage that distance without passing out.

11.  Take a photography class - I LOVE taking pictures.  I have been nicknamed the "Historian" by friends.

12.  I want to fully launch my professional organizing business - Feel free to visit http://www.eliteaccommodations21.com/ today! 

13.  I want to go on vacation with a love interest/boyfriend - I have traveled with friends and family, but never a romantic getaway.

14.  Go skiing - I am not a fan of the cold, but I want to try the bunny slopes at least once.

15.  Visit a waterfall - Hopefully I can do this while I'm in Jamaica!

16.  Look at the planets through a telescope - I want to visit one of those massive telescopes and explore the universe.

17.  Buy season tickets to a sporting event - Perhaps some friends and I can do this together and divide up the games.

18.  See Sade in concert - I just love her voice!

19.  Develop all my Shutterfly albums - I have over 300 albums on Shutterfly.  I want to develop them and arrange them in albums.

20.  Read the Bible cover to cover - I've read chapters referenced in church or covered in Bible studies, but never in its entirety.

21.  See "Wicked" on Broadway - I loved the book so I want to see it in New York.

22.  I want to meet Common - That man is beautiful to me!

23.  Learn to play golf - I have clubs that are collecting dust.  This way I can join my dad and grandpa on the course.

24.  Read 40 Books - Half Price Bookstore and I will become friends!

25.  I want to work my way up to six-figures - I want to retire with dignity.

26.  Take a cooking class - This includes making my grandmother teach me her recipes.  I love her cooking.

27.  Visit the Grand Canyon - Pretty fascinating that a nature carved this.

28.  Learn how to play Poker - I want to play at least one round in Vegas.

29.  Lose 15 pounds - I want to drop 15 pounds and keep it off permanently.

30.  Attend an AKA Boule - I've been to my Sorority's regional conferences, but never a national conference.

31.  Have enough in my savings to live off of for 2 years - I want to be financially responsibly and save wisely.

32.  Pray every morning and evening - It's good to have a conversation with God and a moment to reflect.

33.  Start using coupons - A penny saved is a penny earned!

34.  Read the Harry Potter series - I loved the movies.  Curious what details were left out.

35.  Visit Martha's Vineyard - I want to see if it's all it's hyped up to be.

36.  Get my yard professionally landscaped - I do not have a green thumb and I have a vision for my backyard.

37.  Take a White House tour - I've passed by it, but have never been inside.

38.  Have a Valentine for Valentine's Day - Last time I had one I was 24.

39.  Take my sisters on a vacation - This will require a lot of saving, lol.

40.  Visit all 50 United States - I have been to Alabama, Arizona, California, Georgia, Florida, Louisiana, Maryland, Minnesota, Mississippi, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Tennessee, Texas, and Virginia.  I have a lot of states to visit in 10 years!

My goals are attainable, and I will proactively try to accomplish my list!  Keep you posted.....

Online Dating

Where do I begin? Folks, there are some strange people in the world, and a lot of them like to join dating websites. Those commercials on TV showing "real dates" are lies I tell you. Matter of fact, a good friend of mine saw her actor friend featured on one. She congratulated him on the gig. The personality and social disorders I have encountered make me so glad there is a block feature on these sites. I will share some of the offenses:

1. Got an email asking if I liked anal sex. I am not playing. After I picked my jaw up, I quickly deleted and blocked this "man."

2. Got an email from a man that said he wanted to kiss the corns on my feet. I am happy to report I am corn free and have no desire for anyone to kiss my feet.

3. All the emails with sexual innuendos are so off pudding and not attractive. DO BETTER! Try, "How is your day?"

4. Got an email from a guy that lived with his "baby mama." He proceeded to tell me about their arrangement. Ummm, no thank you!

5. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, if you are separated you are STILL MARRIED! Move around and wait for the ink to dry.

6. Here's a classic: Do you like well endowed white men? Well Mr. Creepy I found that email inappropriate. This man proceeded to hound me via email and inquire why I wasn't responding. Soooo, I let 'em have it and went off. He brought it on himself.

7. Pictures with gold teeth, red cups, and white t-shirts. Enough said.

8. Bad Grammar! Since your first impression is an email, please take time to re-read before sending. I feel like I am grading a paper sometimes when I am reading these emails. Had to have a friend translate one time. I was getting a headache.

The stats are lies. Yes, there are some cases where two sane people found each other online. Do not believe the hype of commercials. It is a true weed out process. Kind of like playing the lottery, lol. If nothing else, it is a source of entertainment and blog material.