A Tad On The Cheap Side

I understand it is expensive to actively date especially if you are using a dating site.  There have been times that I have paid for myself, picked inexpensive spots like coffee shops, or free outings.  At the same time, if you decide to date there are expenses that come with it.

I will just call this guy "Bob" for blog purposes.  We linked up on a dating site.  After the normal routine of introductions and messages, we exchanged numbers.  He scheduled a date for a Sunday evening but two hours before I was supposed to meet him he came up with some lame excuse and cancelled.  A hour later he changed his mind and fessed up that he went to the gym and forgot his real clothes.

I still met up with him at a local Mexican spot and the date was okay.  I kept trying to engage him in conversation, but he was semi dry.  The only thing he talked about was the gym and grocery shopping.  I blamed it on first date jitters.  I could tell he was a nice guy.  A few days later he asked if I wanted to meet for dinner after word.  We literally stay over a hour from each other but that particular day I was doing a presentation in an area that was a happy middle.

I told him he could pick the next spot.  Honestly, I get so tired of coordinating events and "thinking" that when a man plans an entire date I am secretly doing the tootsie roll dance inside.  He suggested Salata.  At the time I was not familiar with this establishment and told him to send me the address.  I enter it in my gps and it shows it is near a mall.  This particular mall has restaurants on its property like The Cheesecake Factory and Eddy V's Steakhouse. I just figured we were going to some place near the mall property.  My GPS kept indicating Salata was INSIDE the mall.

Jesus take the wheel, Salata was in the food court of the mall.  Our dinner date was a semi fast food chain.  Salata is like Chipotle for salads.  What the hell?!?  This was a first.  When we got to the end of the ensemble line, he told them 2 cups for water.  I believe our combined total was under $15.  Our first date had a waiter, this date not so much.

For the third date, he told me he had tickets to a museum exhibit from Groupon.  Longest field trip EVER!!!  He wouldn't talk.  Here we are checking out this great exhibit showcasing Samurai Warriors and I am with a mute.  It's a sad day when playing Candy Crush would have been more engaging.  Afterwards, I suggested we grab something to eat….my treat.  We go to Torchy's Tacos.  He orders chips/guac, three tacos, and a beer.  Now hold up did this man not order me a water cup the other day?  So on my dime he orders over $20 worth of food, but if he pics the spot it's fast food.  Mental note!

Seeing as I am a glutton for punishment, I agree to a forth meet up. This time he tells me I can pick the spot.  He liked the area near Torchy's Tacos.  I recommended a place called Cyclone Anaya.  I promise this is an affordable restaurant.  After I texted him my recommendation, there was 5 minute pause and he replied that we should go to Chicken Kitchen.  I am guessing he went to their website.  Folks, I encourage you to view the menu links: Cyclone Anaya and Chicken Kitchen.  Cyclone Anaya is a restaurant with a great atmosphere and Chicken Kitchen is like Chipotle.  Are we noticing a pattern?  Do not ask me to pick and turn it down for a semi fast food joint.

I show up to Chicken Kitchen and it is closed…..Praise God!  The restaurant I wanted was open and a 2 minute walk.  He still insisted on finding something else.  He picked Zoës Kitchen……a Mediterranean Chipotle.  At this point I know my face said it all…..this was going to be our final meet up.  Pick a struggle, you can't be cheap and not hold a conversation.

I should have known better better when he said he and his family do celebratory gatherings at ChaChos!

***ChaChos is equivalent to Taco Cabana.***

And Why Would I Do This?

Met up with this guy from a dating site.  On paper he appeared to have it together so I was comfortable enough to meet up for dinner.  The dinner went well and we had some follow up phone calls. After about a week, I didn't hear from him.

A few weeks go by and he sends me a text.  He asked what I was doing and I told him I was prepping for a presentation before hitting the road.  I had to present the next morning in a city 2 hours away.  It was already past 9 pm and I was pushing it leaving so late.

Ole boy started insisting I stop by his house first.  I reminded him I was driving, not flying to my destination and had an early morning.  I swear he sent a dissertation on why I should stop by his home. If he could have seen my facial expressions during that moment, he would know the level of disdain that instantly formed.

First off we only went out once.  It was pleasant enough, not magical.  Second, he disappeared for a few weeks.  Third, he is essentially a stranger……I am not going to your home.  Clearly, he needs help in managing his expectations.  There was no way I was going to get on the road super late just to see him.  Plus anyone that doesn't have my well being in mind is not for me.

Do you think he offered to chat on the phone while I drove or even checked to see if I made it to my hotel……hell nah.  Now let's fast forward 6 months later.  I get a text asking, "How am I?"  I had long deleted his number.  It took him about 5 minutes to remind me who he was.  I told him, "You must be bored and scrolling through your phone."  He tried to assure me that was not the case.  I respectfully told him I was no longer interested and wished him the best.

A couple of days later I had dinner with some girlfriends and told them about the exchange.  One friend chimed in and asked if his name was "xyz."  Turns out he hit her up with the same messages on the same day….lol.  ***We both are on dating sites***

Tell The Truth, Shame The Devil!

Tinder strikes again!  I matched with this one guy and we instantly hit it off.  After a few days of messaging, we decided to exchange numbers.  Shortly after that, I departed for a vacation out of the country.

To my surprise, he kept messaging me and kept in contact.  Well since we live in such a tech savvy world, I decided to search his phone number on Facebook.  His profile popped up and it was public….jackpot!

In our exchanges he told me he was single, raising his son, former military, and divorced.  BUT after examining his FB page it would appear he is very much in a relationship, has two sons, and family oriented.  While I was out of town, he kept insisting on meeting up when I returned.  I was a bit confused.  Is he one of those FB people who had not updated his page, did he and the woman recently break up, or was he a liar.

I get back to the states and agree to meet up with him at a spot similar to Dave & Busters. We actually hit it off so much he was trying to schedule date #2.  Throughout the date, I kept throwing hints out that  something wasn't quite right.  For example, I threw out how nice it was to meet up with a single person because I have come across so many profiles of married men.  I asked who was watching his young son since he relocated from another state.  I asked about the previous marriage and if he had been in a serious relationship since then.

Got him to slip up and admit he had a three year old in addition to the 12 year old.  He said that child's mother was a friend and not a girlfriend.  He went on and on about how it would not have been fair to start a relationship with her immediately after his divorce.  They got drunk one night and didn't use protection.  Folks, I was almost convinced.

I decided to view his FB page one more time.  I noticed he had a woman was tagged in all the pics.  I decided to click on her profile and saw we had a common friend.  I hit up my girl and got all the tea.  Yes he is very much in a relationship with the woman in the pic, they relocated to Houston together, she raises both kid (birthed the youngest), been together for years, and sadly she is one that was probably babysitting while we were on our fun date.

No need for a confrontation, I simply blocked his number and kept it moving.

Tinder Chronicles….lol

I've actually had friends that have been successful with Tinder…….I am not one of those chosen one.  I still keep the app on my phone.  It helps kill time and every blue moon I go on a date.  

Below, I will post some of my observations:

Your Wife Has No Friends

I can't tell you how many times I have come across the profiles of married men.  Not just any married men, but the husbands of women I know.  Mind you these are women I consider associates, not my near and dear friends.  If it were the latter  I would have set it off with phone calls, screen shots, etc.

Now you may be wondering why not tell the other women.  I have learned relationships are complicated, a lot of these women know who they are married to, and people get very defensive when someone they are loosely associated with interferes.  I always wonder if these wives have friends on the app debating if they should tell.

Tinder recently sent an update where they got rid of a feature that would let you know the last time someone logged in.  Somehow I have a feeling it has to do with all the married men still logging on.


You Have Got To See This

So my friends and I have started taking screen shots of some of the tom-foolery people post.  I have come across a few cross dressers, drag queens, and transgendered profiles.  Then there are the infamous penis pics.  No one wants to see that AND that pic will now be the topic of a group chat.

In additional to the colorful pictures, the actual profile descriptions are better than a good book!  Everyone thinks they are Christian Grey now.  I have come across at least 10 profiles requesting bondage, submissives, whips, chains, and everything in between.  Then there are the married men who let you know off top they are looking to play.  Hey, at least they are honest and you know ahead of time to swipe left.


Radio Silence

You get in your swiping groove and actually start to match with people.  One would think, this is great.  In the Tinder world this means nothing.  After you've matched with a person, you can now directly communicate with that person.  A lot of the men on there must be looking for permanent pen pals.  You will consistently get messaged but nothing else or you will never get a message at all.  How about we meet in real life?

*Recent study showed 42% of the people using the app are in relationships and 30% are straight up married.  Swipe at your own risk.


Glamour Shots

So you finally decide to meet and he's looking at you and you are looking at him.  Who the hell is this? Did you take Glamour Shots?  This person found all the right lighting the day they posted that pic.  I post pics that look like me.  I match my profile unlike these DREAM KILLERS!

Drink Bleach!

A friend of mine met a great guy on Match.com and they are thriving.  I believe she has met "the one." In the past, I have tried Match and it was a hot mess.  I don't meet the well adjusted people on the commercials.  I end up with the "touched" individuals.

But being a half full vs. empty type of person, I told her I would give it 30 days.  Thankfully Groupon had a coupon for $15.  I just didn't have the heart to pay full price.  I go ahead and set up my account and let the games begin.

Instantly my inbox is flooded and I go through the screening process.  Here's a list of honorable mentions:
- You like white boys?  Let's go out.
- Hey sexy, we going out.
- I feel connected to you.
- I'm horny, let's meet up.
- The guy who only texted after 10 PM.

One in particular, really made me want to slap the dog ish out of him.  He sent me a message introducing himself.  I checked out his profile and followed up with a response.  We go back and forth and eventually exchange numbers.  Heaven forbid someone actually has a phone conversation.  He sends me a text asking about my weekend.  I told him some friends and I stayed at a beach house to celebrate a birthday.

Now this is where he took it to a dark place.

Match Guy: Since you were at the beach, I know you have a swimsuit pic.  Send me one.
Me: It was in the low 60's, strong winds, and mist.  There were no swimsuits being worn that day.
Match Guy: I know you have to have a bikini pic in the archives.  Send one of those.
Me: Ummmmm……NO.  You are essentially a stranger.
Match Guy: Don't act like I am one of those weird internet guys.  You are on a dating site.
Me: Had you taken the time to get to know me, my last name, and spend quality time with me you probably would have seen me in a swimsuit in person.  But instead you chose to be raunchy and disrespectful.  I don't owe you shit.
Match Guy: Wait, I just wanted to have a picture of you so I wouldn't have to keep logging in to the site.  You have a nice smile and facial features.  Just curious what the rest looks like.
Me: You are back peddling and I have full length pictures posted.  You specifically asked for a swimsuit picture.  I hope your daughter gets asked for a swimsuit picture the next time she meets a guy.  Let's see if it's all smiles then.
Match Guy: You could be missing out on a blessing blowing me off.
Me: I don't think God intends for my future man to come at me in a raunchy manner.  Stop all communication with me, delete my information, I am not interested.

From there he sends two more texts.  I don't open them, I delete them.  I also blocked him on Match.

So the end of month has come and gone when I receive a text from an unsaved number.

Unknown: You got a man now.  I just wanted to check.
Me: I do not have this number saved, who is this?
Unknown: This is your future man (insert picture).  I am working in my office.
***I recognize the picture as him and delete the text***
Unknown: Stop acting up.  It is time to make up.
***Insert Crickets…….delete, delete, delete***

So now I see he is disrespectful and delusional. #fml

Not Again…..Damn Introverts!

So perhaps meeting men at conferences is not a good thing.  If you read my previous post, you'll know I met "The Old Man" at one.

During October 2013, I went to a party for a conference.  Hundreds of people were everywhere.  My friends and I were having a blast.  After a few hours, my feet turned against me.  There were no chairs at this party, so I found the wall.  It was there that I noticed "hazel eyes."  He was adorable: tall, bald, cute, and hazel eyes.

We started chatting and shared a few laughs, but it was getting late.  I thanked him for our chat and proceeded to walk away.  He stopped me and asked for my number.  I gave it to him and headed to my car.  The next day he called.  I was pleasantly surprised.  He didn't wait 3 days, lol.  We stayed on the phone for three hours.  The conversation was not forced.  Before we ended our call, he set up our first date.

The day had arrived for our first date.  He had me meet him at his home so he could drive.  I normally don't do that, but we had spoken everyday for 5 days straight so I was comfortable.  As we were walking to the car, he didn't open the car door.  I decided not to make a big deal out of it.  When we arrived at the eatery, he did get the door to the building and had good manners once inside.  I'm old school in the sense that I am big on manners and chivalry.  The night ended and I thought to myself, "This has potential."

After that initial date, we started hanging out on a routine basis.  The problem is that it was always at his house.  I wanted more dates.  We were in the courting phase, not the long term phase.  I brought it up a couple of times and he would blow it off.  After about six weeks of no dates, I told him the only way he was going to see me was if we had date night.  He complied.

More time is passing by and I feel like he pulled a bait and switch on me.  What used to be daily phone calls turned into texts.  What used to be decent texts turned into short hand messages like "wyd."  I was completely confused.  I had the sinking feeling I dated his "representative" the first month and now I was starting to see the real him.  He couldn't even make it 90 days before he started to suck.  Now I am just going along with the motions.

On a normal basis, I would have put in my resignation letter.  BUT, a cute face will buy you some time.  His time started running out when I got sick with flu like symptoms.  I told him I was ill.  All he did was text, "I hope you feel better."  To put things in perspective, my married homeboy heard I was sick and brought me food because I was too weak to move.  Any man you are dating, that can't check on you when you are genuinely sick is no good.

The next offense happened when I got a new job.  All he did was text, "You deserve it."  No congratulation card or pat on the back.  I had two different friends take me to dinner to celebrate my new position.  So much for having a support system.  Plus, when I would travel for my job he never checked to see if I made it safely.

Then there was Christmas.  I didn't get a thing from him, not even a candy cane.  I wasn't expecting a Gucci, but it had been two months.  Plus I got him a gift.  This man put no effort into anything.  All he was good for was sitting on his couch, working, and actively putting no effort into our courtship.

He also told me he hates "PDA."  That included hugs.  So on the few occasions we did go out, I wasn't allowed to hold his hand, sit too close, etc.  That pretty much sucked!  I am not overly mushy, but if you're my boo I feel entitled to some affection……sheesh.  Now if we were at his home, he was all about cuddle time.

I consider myself to be proactive.  I decided I was going to discretely try strategies from the 5 Love Languages, and see which one he responds to.  I tried them all and his dry ass was not appreciative of shit.  He barely said thank you.

It was now January and I had enough.  I was putting my best foot forward and he was putting in his pinky toe.  I had to send a "Dear John" text: I am not happy.  This is not the foundation I want to establish for a long term relationship.  I would like to be with someone who is enthusiastic about getting to know me and the courting process.  I wish you the best.

Do you know he never responded to that text.  Rude and detached to the bitter end.  Introverts work my last nerve when it comes to dating!

The Old Man

I was doing some volunteer work for an organization that will remain nameless.  My job was to welcome the attendants as they arrived at the hospitality suite.  I thought to myself…..no problem, just put on your happy face and you'll be fine.  One thing you should note is that I am known to have "Bitch Face." I promise I am a well adjusted and happy person, lol.

Guest are arriving, and my cheeks are hurting from all the smiling.  Low and behold, "The Old Man" shows up.  I welcome him to the suite and keep it moving.  Well, he didn't leave.  He looks me up and down, asked for my name, and had this goofy grin on his face.  At that point, I could have cared less about this.  I was just trying to look like the happiest person ever and could only focus on the task at hand.

A couple of hours go by and it's time to go home.  I make my way to the lobby and bump into "The Old Man."  During this time, he asked for my number.  Now that my cheeks had relaxed and I didn't have to worry about my "bitch face" I was more inclined to hold a conversation.  Turns out he was pretty cool.  We made plans to meet up the following day.

So let's fast forward.  After the conference weekend, we stayed in touch.  We didn't reside in the same city, but we did a good job with phone calls and routine texts.  It was during one of those conversations I discovered he was 17 years older than me.  I am so glad he told me that via phone conversation.  My face was no good after that.  After careful thinking, I decided "age ain't nothing but a number."

Some weeks have gone by and I was asked to go out of town with him.  We had a blast!  In my mind, I was thinking, "Dating an older person rocks."  He's established, gotten the "ho" out of his system, and knows how to communicate.  He even came to my city for my birthday weekend months later.  I "thought" we were having fun.

Welllllllllll, I might have spoken prematurely.  As the months passes, I was comfortable enough to "dig deeper."  I knew he was a divorcee' but I had not asked how long he had been divorced.  From the very beginning, I told "The Old Man" I was dating for potential and looking for long term.  He told me he was on the same page.  HE WAS NOT!  The ink had barely dried.  It had been less than six months since he and his ex-wife divorced.  Plus, he told me he was not interested in having additional children.  News alert, I am 17 years younger than him and plan to use these ovaries.

In addition, he started pulling disappearing acts.  What used to be daily calls turned into occasional texts.  I was not amused.  I called him out on his bull.  I then got the "I am an introvert" speech.  According to him, he has to have time to recharge.  Folks, please recall we don't live in the same city.  It's not like I pack a bag and camp out at his house for days on end.  It's not like I don't have a job, and spend all my time calling him.  It's not like I send 20 texts in a row.

It was time for "the talk."  I explained to "The Old Man" that I had been nothing but upfront with him and how he was contradicting himself.  I explained how I barely knew anything about him and he uses the whole extrovert speech as an excuse.  I had to break it down that I am not a toy that he can play with when he wants to.  I am a person who enjoys consistency.  In the end, he actually agreed to what I told him.  I thanked him and kindly let him know the damage had been done.  I made a mental note to myself, don't date self proclaimed introverts!