3 Mammies

I went on my first Plenty of Fish date the other day. While sitting at the bar I asked had he ever been married or did he have children. Folks, he said, "I have three kids. It is what it is." There was a brief pause. I was waiting for him to say he was joking. He was not joking. In addition to having three kids, he has three different baby mammas, and they live in three different states. I felt my chest getting tight. Was I getting punked? What kind of cruel joke was this?

I am a liberal person to a certain degree. I just don't know if I can work with three baby mommas. That means three households get fed before he does. When he has his kids in the summer, I would have a three year old, twelve year old, and sixteen year old. That is not a vacation, that is punishment. Now if I was 50, I could do this. By that time my ovaries will be dead and I wouldn't mind his clan.

Alpha Male

This lame here "crossed" a certain fraternity via Graduate Chapter.  All we had was a phone conversation and he brought up the fraternity at least ten times.  You'd swear he was 19 and just crossed the burning sands.  I'm sorry he did not get to pledge as an undergraduate, but dang!!!  Joining an organization should not define you.

Alpha this and Alpha that.  Who cares!  Did I mention he was sporting a Greek jacket in the summer?

The Frenchman

The Frenchman and I met for sushi one evening.  This was my first time meeting him.  He had a super strong accent.  I have never had to concentrate so hard on a date.  I had to use my teacher ears to process everything he was saying.  This was worse than listening to Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 80's.  He even noted that he was impressed that I understood him.  He got excited he found someone to chat with.  I felt bad for him because I knew that was our first and last date.  I just did not feel like working that hard to communicate with someone on my leisure time.  I know - boooo to me.

To Be A Cougar Or Not To Be.....Not To Be

I met Peter Pan a few years back at a co-ed baby shower.  He asked about me and got my number from a friend.  Honestly, I hadn't noticed him but was flattered when he called.  We decided to meet up for dinner.  While chatting, I discovered I was older than him.

As the conversation proceeded, it took a turn towards weird.  He started asking me life questions: What should he major in (he left after 2 years), where should he live, how to manage money, etc.  Could have sworn this was a date and not Big Brother/Big Sister of America.  I already have siblings and thought I was on a date, not a personal adviser.

This date was tuning into a hot mess.  Did this "man" not have parents or friends?  Should I be charging for all this great advice I was giving?  Was there any way I could change the subject?  The only thing I was thinking about was the tongue lashing my homeboy was going to receive for giving out my number to Peter Pan.

When You Buy, I Will Fly

A good friend of mine lives in L.A. and was celebrating her 30th birthday.  I decided to fly out there to help her bring in her milestone.  While at her house party, I met *John.  John was cool, but no biggie.  I don't live in L.A. and I have no desire to do a long distance relationship.  We exchanged numbers.  There was a chance my girl and I were going out later and he wanted to hang. 

So I fly back to Houston and John starts texting and asking when I am flying back to L.A.  I told him I only fly out there about once a year.  It's not like I travel for my job.  From there he tells me how attractive I look...blah, blah.  Again, all this means nothing to me.  The only thing running through my mind is that he wants me to scrape my pennies together to fly to L.A. just to hang with him.  He has never offered to put $5 on it.  I guess he thinks his texts are enough to make me fork over $400 to be in his presence.

Like clockwork, I know I will get at least one text a month asking when will I be flying to L.A. Ummm, keep waiting buddy.  I will keep responding with, "No time soon."

The Talk

I absolutely love wearing weave!  I dated a man once who did not like weave so I took it out.  Worst week of my hair life.  I actually have hair and it's healthy.  I just love the convenience of weave.  There is nothing like that fresh sew-in!

Whenever I date a man, I have to have "the talk."  To me it's obvious I am wearing a weave, but men are fooled easily.  For example, Fluffy and I were on our way to dinner.  He let the top down on his sports car and took off.  I gave him the side eye.  He literally was exposing my secrets.  My tracks were showing and my hair was sticking on top of my head.  It was not a good look.  I kindly tapped him on the shoulder and told him to let the top back up.  He was confused.  I explained to him that it was a process to get my hair to look like this and what he saw was an illusion.  I told him I could not just run my fingers through my hair and keep it moving.  I told him it was equivalent to Jessica Simpson and her clip ons for award shows.  He quickly caught on and learned to use the A/C.

Another example when I had to have "the talk" is when a guy friend decided to run his hand through my luscious locks, lol.  I told him to prepare for a bumpy ride since he would feel braids and tracks underneath.  Funny enough, he did not care.  He just kept running his fingers through it.

The key to weave is a talented weave-ologist and good bags of hair.  I thank God for Evelyn.  It is such a pick me up when I get my hair done.  I can work out, curl it, whip it, and no longer have to sleep pretty.

Going Fishing!

Well, I have crossed off E-Harmony and Match.com. Now it is time to try Plenty of Fish. At least this one is FREE! By default I am WINNING. I love free, lol. My co-worker is a member and suggested I give it a try.

After creating my profile, I have already received six. Wish me luck!