The Kingdom Of Far, Far Away

I met T.C. on a dating website.  For our initial meet and greet he picked an eatery in the Heights area.  This worked to my advantage since I was leaving a baby shower not too far.  Things go well and I think this has potential.  So I wait to see if he is going to call after our first date and he does.  Our phone conversation goes well and everything is clicking.

T.C. decides to schedule date #2.  I believe it was supposed to be on the following Wednesday.  Something came up and he asked if we could reschedule.  I don't have problems working with someone and scheduling, so I agree.  At the time he commented how appreciative he was that I didn't give him attitude. 

Our new day is Sunday.  I get out of church and give him a call.  He tells me he needs to push the time back to 3:00 pm.  I decided to kill some time at a friend's house.  I call again, and he says can we push it back to 5:00 pm.  Although I am getting annoyed, I agree.  It's getting close to 5:00 pm and I have not heard from him.  I decided to text to see if he wants to reschedule for another day.  He takes me up on my offer.  All that evening he is apologetic and promises we are going out on Wednesday.

Wednesday rolls around and we meet for crawfish.  Again, we are in the Heights area which is 5 minutes from his home.  We're laughing, vibing, and there's no awkward silence.  T.C. is telling me how he's glad he met me and looking forward to getting to know me better.  I am giving myself a "high 5" thinking I have met a "normal" guy.

Welllllllll, you know something went wrong if he ended up on the blog......lol.  The next week rolls around and I asked if he wanted to meet up for dinner.  He agrees.  It was set for a Monday.  When Monday rolled around, he sent me a text saying he couldn't make it.  He and his father were going to watch the NCAA Final Game.  I decided to let him make it since I know men love their sports.  The catch is that he did not suggest another day for dinner.  Later that week, I try to hang out with him and he tells me his workouts are so crucial that all he does is go to sleep when he gets home.

Let me catch you up, Mr. T.C. is obsessed with his schedule and his workouts.  Everything revolves around his gym workout.  This Gym Rat either has a serious obsession or selling me a dream.  I like to think it's a combo of the previous (I am just trying to make myself feel better, lol). It got to the point where I told him I was no longer suggesting outings because all he does is cancel.  Some how that did not offend him......bastard.

Now, week 3 has started.  In this time I have only seen him twice.  I hear from him on a regular basis still, but I am starting to think it's going no where since we never have in person time. Me being me, I decide to keep myself busy.  I am a social butterfly by nature.  I decided to use that Saturday to go out with my girls.  Once I got home, T.C. called to see what I was up to.  He asked to come over.

Once at my house, we're watching TV, talking, and cracking jokes.  We keep it very PG.  In my mind, this is only my third time seeing him although we have been talking/texting for 3 weeks.  It's getting late so it's time for him to leave.....no slumber parties taking place over here.  We kiss goodnight and all is well.  I am thinking perhaps he got a clue.

I was DEAD WRONG.  Tuesday, of week 4, I get a text asking if I want to go to dinner on Friday.  I accept.  I am disappointed that he texted versus calling.  I decided to shoot him a text asking if we can start having more phone calls.  He is a serial texter.  It's nice to hear a person's voice every once in a while.  He agrees and says he will start calling........he lied.

Thursday rolls around and he sends me the text that sent my jaw dropping: You are a great person and you are everything I am looking for.  I always enjoy myself around you, but we can no longer continue our relationship.  The distance is too much.  I really like you and want you to keep my number.

Folks, I went from Suzy Sunshine to Bonquisha.  All kind of four lettered words escaped my mouth.  I was beyond pissed.  I replied that I would have preferred for him to have called instead of sending this text.  He had the nerve to say that phone calls and texts are basically the same thing.  From there I told him that text insulted my intelligence.  We only live 25 MINUTES from each other.  What "distance" was he whining about?  Sir, we live in a major city, have cars, and jobs.  MAN UP!!! *** As a review we went on two dates that were 5 minutes from his home, he asked to come to my house, and I never requested he come to my side of town.***

There were a few more texts, but bottom line I ended with: I have no use for your number and don't desire a man that uses drive time as an excuse for not dating.  You act like you are in the Woodlands (60 minutes away).

Love Languages

Previously posted about the rules.  Here's the problem.....my "love language" makes it hard for me to follow the rules.  I am a "quality time girl" all day with "acts of service" tendencies.  The "fun" part is meeting someone on the same page or willing to "love" you using your language.

The 5 Love Languages

- Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

- Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

- Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

- Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

- Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

The Rules

Everyone keeps telling me, "You have to play the game," when it comes to dating.  I am not sure I am designed for it.  I'm a pretty laid back and literal person, so playing "the game" is the polar opposite.  Did a google search on a book called "The Rules."  It suggests not being so nice, not so supportive, and not so available.

The Rules

1. Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other"
2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
4. Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
5. Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls
6. Always End Phone Calls First
7. Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
8. Fill Up Your Time before the Date
9. How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3
10. How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
11. Always End the Date First
12. Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
13. Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
14. No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
15. Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy
16. Don't Tell Him What to Do
17. Let Him Take the Lead
18. Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
19. Don’t Open Up Too Fast
20. Be Honest but Mysterious
21. Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads
22. Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
23. Don't Date a Married Man
24. Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children
25. Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)
26. Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
27. Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It's Nuts
28. Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School
29. Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College
30. Next! and Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection
31. Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist
32. Don't Break The Rules
33. Do The Rules and You’ll Live Happily Ever After!
34. Love Only Those Who Love You
35. Be Easy to Live With