Sunday, November 29, 2015

Did You Just Say…...

Here we go with another dating site guy.  We both run….well I kinda run…..he for real runs.  He decided we should meet up for a Saturday morning run.  I was game and agreed to meet up with him.  We knocked out the three miles and chatted afterwards.  As I was walking to the car, he asked if we could meet up that evening.

Later in the day, he texted, "Dinner and a movie?"  I texted back, "Sure." He then texted, "Your place or mine?"  I texted, "When you mentioned a movie, I thought you meant a theater.  I still have not seen Straight out of Compton.  Homes are not an option." He then texted, "Let's just do drinks."

We agreed to meet at a popular martini bar and really hit it off.  He was very easy to talk to.  We soon got on the topic of marriage and kids.  He informed me that he was married before, but divorced a few years back.  He then told me he had three kids.  I just assumed he and his ex-wife had children.  No-no, he had three kids from three different women excluding his ex wife.  I grabbed my imaginary pearls.  Jesus take the wheel!

Turns out he had a one night stand that resulted in a child, he had another child with an ex girlfriend that he straight up told me he had no intentions on marrying, and his other child was conceived when he was teen.  There is such a thing as over sharing.  In my mind, I kept a smile on my place.  Not 100% sure I maintained that face for that portion of the conversation.  Has this man ever heard of a condom?

As we continued talking, he told me how he ended up in his present city.  He met a girl and they became a couple.  She got into law school and they relocated.  The first thing that popped into my head was that he left his young children in Cali and Chicago to relocate for a girlfriend.  I asked, "Do you get them in the summer or for holidays?"  He told me he doesn't see his kids as much as he would like but his kids know who their dad is.  What does that mean?  Although I am not a parent, I do know the importance of being an active and present parent.  He and the woman he moved for broke up and he decided to remain in his new city.

I just couldn't get past his parenting style.  His youngest child is 4 and Dad is nowhere to be around.  Every state where he has resided, he has created a child.  He is fertile, clearly, and I will not be baby mama #4.

Iyanla Fix His Life

I started communicating with this particular guy and he appeared to be well adjusted.  I was wrong.  He used to be well adjusted.  I have a talent for meeting guys  in their "recovery" period.  Our initial phone calls were cool and he definitely did a great job staying in contact… the beginning.

We were supposed to go skating for our first date, but when we arrived it was a little too hood for his taste.  Instead, we went to a park and talked for hours.  Several things were discussed - his first marriage, his second marriage that happened 3 months after his divorce, his second divorce, the death of his beloved dog, wanting to change careers, and his mother staying with him due to a recent illness.  He had a lot on his plate.

I am not cold hearted and willing to work with a person, but with him it was always something.  He was consumed with competing in dog competitions.  Every weekend he would drive off to another state to compete.  He even bought a van to convert to make it more comfortable for his dog.  At the same time he would get sad every month on the anniversary date the other dog was killed.  It's hard to comfort a person you have just met.

Now I mentioned he had been married twice.  The first marriage lasted 7 years, if I remember correctly. He said it was amicable between them and no hard feelings.  Instead of taking personal time after the divorce, he rushed and married another woman who was the extreme opposite of his first wife.  Before the ink could dry completely, he was married to wife #2.  That marriage ended in under 60 days.  This woman was giving him hell, post divorce proceedings, to the point that he could potentially serve jail time……...over a car.

I am super family oriented so I fully support his decision to take care of his mother.  He is a very loving son and an only child.  His mom required a certain level of support and he stepped up.

In addition, to the previous he was in the process of changing careers.  Literally, he was all over the place.  In his 40's he was considering law school.  To this day I am still not quite sure what he did for a living.  I know he had rental properties, competed in dog shows, and rented out his luxury cars.

Now you may be wondering, where did I fit in?  That's the problem.  He had nothing else to give.  We had our initial park date, worked out together, and met for breakfast once.  He kept insisting he liked me and knew he needed to do better, but never followed through.  He asked for second and third chances.  To top it off, he would always tell me about all the great things he did in past relationships.  Do I look like I give a damn about what you did for them?

One day I just stopped responding and he quickly caught on.  For the few months we interacted,  I was supportive, tried to be understanding, and really tried to work with him. BUT SWEET LORD OF THE LAMB, there is only so much a person can take.  I hope he has worked through some of his issues.

What The Hell?

Matched with this recently divorced guy through Tinder.  Although he had not been divorced long, he didn't appear to have any baggage or obvious issues.  We decided to meet up at a ghost bar located downtown.  I had never been there and thought this was pretty neat first date.

I arrived at the bar and immediately recognized him.  I was thankful he looked like his pics.  We had a couple of drinks and ended up leaving the bar to walk around downtown.  In my head I was thinking, "Oh shit, he appears to be normal."  That is rare for Tinder dates.  After that day, we kept in contact on a regular basis via phone calls and texts.

About two weeks go by and I am returning from a business trip.  I casually told him I would be eating cereal for dinner because it had been a long day.  He told me I could swing by his house.  He had cooked a large meal and had no problem sharing.  I decide to take him up on his offer.

Once I arrived, he fixed my plate and we ate.  It was pretty good even though it completely went against my meal plan, lol.  Afterwards we watched TV and chatted.  It was getting late so I decided to go home.  I thought the evening went well, but I noticed he didn't walk me to my car from his apartment.

The following week I heard from him here and there.  He has joint custody of his kids so I know he has limited availability.  Plus, we were in the getting to know you phase.  One particular day he mentioned that he wished I had spent the night the other evening.  I told him had I done that, I would have slept on the couch.  He told me he figured that much and chuckled.  I quote, "You don't seem like one of those type of women."

A couple of days later I hit him up to see if he wanted to meet up.  That is when he hit me with the jab/punch combo - "Hey you are very nice and fun to hang out with, but I don't think we have chemistry.  If you want to just meet to hang I am fine with that."

Sir, I need another homeboy like I need a bullet to my head. I seriously had a "WTF" moment.  Things had been so chill and a couple of weeks had passed with no problems.  I mean sheesh, you just had me over for dinner.  Trust me, I know what it is like to not have chemistry with a person.  This whole blog is dedicated to it!

I honestly think he wanted a booty buddy and when he figured that wasn't going to happen, I got dropped faster than a bad habit.  For about 30 seconds, my feelings were hurt.  Then again, he had only been divorced for 4 months……my bad for going near him with a 10 foot stick.

Show Me Your Pics!

This may sound weird, but I don't like sending pics of myself to someone I've met through a dating site.  I figure I have posted a good amount of photos on my profile.  If we click in real life, we'll end up taking pic together via selfies, outings, etc.

One particular man could not respect that.  We started messaging through a dating site and he left me his number.  I sent him a text so he could have my number.  Things were pleasant, but we had yet to have an actual phone call.

A few days later he started asking for pics.  I told him no.  He then wanted an explanation.  I don't owe this man a thing, but I politely texted I don't know him personally and that my profile has enough pics.  He then went on and on about how he has been catfished and wanted pics as proof I was in fact who I said I was.  I quickly shut that down explaining the only way to know if someone is catfishing you is to meet up.  Anyone can send pics.

I could tell he was getting aggravated but I did not care.  He then took the approach and said he could tell I liked him, but the only way to move forward was for me to send pictures.  Don't know what gave him that idea……bruh, for real?!?  I had to send my retort that he assumed too much, I have no attachment to you, we have never had a phone call, and I offered to meet him at a coffee shop the other day to prove I was in fact myself.

Needless to say I did not send him any pics and his backward thinking ass needs to reassess his debating skills.

A Tad On The Cheap Side

I understand it is expensive to actively date especially if you are using a dating site.  There have been times that I have paid for myself, picked inexpensive spots like coffee shops, or free outings.  At the same time, if you decide to date there are expenses that come with it.

I will just call this guy "Bob" for blog purposes.  We linked up on a dating site.  After the normal routine of introductions and messages, we exchanged numbers.  He scheduled a date for a Sunday evening but two hours before I was supposed to meet him he came up with some lame excuse and cancelled.  A hour later he changed his mind and fessed up that he went to the gym and forgot his real clothes.

I still met up with him at a local Mexican spot and the date was okay.  I kept trying to engage him in conversation, but he was semi dry.  The only thing he talked about was the gym and grocery shopping.  I blamed it on first date jitters.  I could tell he was a nice guy.  A few days later he asked if I wanted to meet for dinner after word.  We literally stay over a hour from each other but that particular day I was doing a presentation in an area that was a happy middle.

I told him he could pick the next spot.  Honestly, I get so tired of coordinating events and "thinking" that when a man plans an entire date I am secretly doing the tootsie roll dance inside.  He suggested Salata.  At the time I was not familiar with this establishment and told him to send me the address.  I enter it in my gps and it shows it is near a mall.  This particular mall has restaurants on its property like The Cheesecake Factory and Eddy V's Steakhouse. I just figured we were going to some place near the mall property.  My GPS kept indicating Salata was INSIDE the mall.

Jesus take the wheel, Salata was in the food court of the mall.  Our dinner date was a semi fast food chain.  Salata is like Chipotle for salads.  What the hell?!?  This was a first.  When we got to the end of the ensemble line, he told them 2 cups for water.  I believe our combined total was under $15.  Our first date had a waiter, this date not so much.

For the third date, he told me he had tickets to a museum exhibit from Groupon.  Longest field trip EVER!!!  He wouldn't talk.  Here we are checking out this great exhibit showcasing Samurai Warriors and I am with a mute.  It's a sad day when playing Candy Crush would have been more engaging.  Afterwards, I suggested we grab something to eat….my treat.  We go to Torchy's Tacos.  He orders chips/guac, three tacos, and a beer.  Now hold up did this man not order me a water cup the other day?  So on my dime he orders over $20 worth of food, but if he pics the spot it's fast food.  Mental note!

Seeing as I am a glutton for punishment, I agree to a forth meet up. This time he tells me I can pick the spot.  He liked the area near Torchy's Tacos.  I recommended a place called Cyclone Anaya.  I promise this is an affordable restaurant.  After I texted him my recommendation, there was 5 minute pause and he replied that we should go to Chicken Kitchen.  I am guessing he went to their website.  Folks, I encourage you to view the menu links: Cyclone Anaya and Chicken Kitchen.  Cyclone Anaya is a restaurant with a great atmosphere and Chicken Kitchen is like Chipotle.  Are we noticing a pattern?  Do not ask me to pick and turn it down for a semi fast food joint.

I show up to Chicken Kitchen and it is closed…..Praise God!  The restaurant I wanted was open and a 2 minute walk.  He still insisted on finding something else.  He picked Zo√ęs Kitchen……a Mediterranean Chipotle.  At this point I know my face said it all…..this was going to be our final meet up.  Pick a struggle, you can't be cheap and not hold a conversation.

I should have known better better when he said he and his family do celebratory gatherings at ChaChos!

***ChaChos is equivalent to Taco Cabana.***

And Why Would I Do This?

Met up with this guy from a dating site.  On paper he appeared to have it together so I was comfortable enough to meet up for dinner.  The dinner went well and we had some follow up phone calls. After about a week, I didn't hear from him.

A few weeks go by and he sends me a text.  He asked what I was doing and I told him I was prepping for a presentation before hitting the road.  I had to present the next morning in a city 2 hours away.  It was already past 9 pm and I was pushing it leaving so late.

Ole boy started insisting I stop by his house first.  I reminded him I was driving, not flying to my destination and had an early morning.  I swear he sent a dissertation on why I should stop by his home. If he could have seen my facial expressions during that moment, he would know the level of disdain that instantly formed.

First off we only went out once.  It was pleasant enough, not magical.  Second, he disappeared for a few weeks.  Third, he is essentially a stranger……I am not going to your home.  Clearly, he needs help in managing his expectations.  There was no way I was going to get on the road super late just to see him.  Plus anyone that doesn't have my well being in mind is not for me.

Do you think he offered to chat on the phone while I drove or even checked to see if I made it to my hotel……hell nah.  Now let's fast forward 6 months later.  I get a text asking, "How am I?"  I had long deleted his number.  It took him about 5 minutes to remind me who he was.  I told him, "You must be bored and scrolling through your phone."  He tried to assure me that was not the case.  I respectfully told him I was no longer interested and wished him the best.

A couple of days later I had dinner with some girlfriends and told them about the exchange.  One friend chimed in and asked if his name was "xyz."  Turns out he hit her up with the same messages on the same day….lol.  ***We both are on dating sites***

Tell The Truth, Shame The Devil!

Tinder strikes again!  I matched with this one guy and we instantly hit it off.  After a few days of messaging, we decided to exchange numbers.  Shortly after that, I departed for a vacation out of the country.

To my surprise, he kept messaging me and kept in contact.  Well since we live in such a tech savvy world, I decided to search his phone number on Facebook.  His profile popped up and it was public….jackpot!

In our exchanges he told me he was single, raising his son, former military, and divorced.  BUT after examining his FB page it would appear he is very much in a relationship, has two sons, and family oriented.  While I was out of town, he kept insisting on meeting up when I returned.  I was a bit confused.  Is he one of those FB people who had not updated his page, did he and the woman recently break up, or was he a liar.

I get back to the states and agree to meet up with him at a spot similar to Dave & Busters. We actually hit it off so much he was trying to schedule date #2.  Throughout the date, I kept throwing hints out that  something wasn't quite right.  For example, I threw out how nice it was to meet up with a single person because I have come across so many profiles of married men.  I asked who was watching his young son since he relocated from another state.  I asked about the previous marriage and if he had been in a serious relationship since then.

Got him to slip up and admit he had a three year old in addition to the 12 year old.  He said that child's mother was a friend and not a girlfriend.  He went on and on about how it would not have been fair to start a relationship with her immediately after his divorce.  They got drunk one night and didn't use protection.  Folks, I was almost convinced.

I decided to view his FB page one more time.  I noticed he had a woman was tagged in all the pics.  I decided to click on her profile and saw we had a common friend.  I hit up my girl and got all the tea.  Yes he is very much in a relationship with the woman in the pic, they relocated to Houston together, she raises both kid (birthed the youngest), been together for years, and sadly she is one that was probably babysitting while we were on our fun date.

No need for a confrontation, I simply blocked his number and kept it moving.