Drink Bleach!

A friend of mine met a great guy on Match.com and they are thriving.  I believe she has met "the one." In the past, I have tried Match and it was a hot mess.  I don't meet the well adjusted people on the commercials.  I end up with the "touched" individuals.

But being a half full vs. empty type of person, I told her I would give it 30 days.  Thankfully Groupon had a coupon for $15.  I just didn't have the heart to pay full price.  I go ahead and set up my account and let the games begin.

Instantly my inbox is flooded and I go through the screening process.  Here's a list of honorable mentions:
- You like white boys?  Let's go out.
- Hey sexy, we going out.
- I feel connected to you.
- I'm horny, let's meet up.
- The guy who only texted after 10 PM.

One in particular, really made me want to slap the dog ish out of him.  He sent me a message introducing himself.  I checked out his profile and followed up with a response.  We go back and forth and eventually exchange numbers.  Heaven forbid someone actually has a phone conversation.  He sends me a text asking about my weekend.  I told him some friends and I stayed at a beach house to celebrate a birthday.

Now this is where he took it to a dark place.

Match Guy: Since you were at the beach, I know you have a swimsuit pic.  Send me one.
Me: It was in the low 60's, strong winds, and mist.  There were no swimsuits being worn that day.
Match Guy: I know you have to have a bikini pic in the archives.  Send one of those.
Me: Ummmmm……NO.  You are essentially a stranger.
Match Guy: Don't act like I am one of those weird internet guys.  You are on a dating site.
Me: Had you taken the time to get to know me, my last name, and spend quality time with me you probably would have seen me in a swimsuit in person.  But instead you chose to be raunchy and disrespectful.  I don't owe you shit.
Match Guy: Wait, I just wanted to have a picture of you so I wouldn't have to keep logging in to the site.  You have a nice smile and facial features.  Just curious what the rest looks like.
Me: You are back peddling and I have full length pictures posted.  You specifically asked for a swimsuit picture.  I hope your daughter gets asked for a swimsuit picture the next time she meets a guy.  Let's see if it's all smiles then.
Match Guy: You could be missing out on a blessing blowing me off.
Me: I don't think God intends for my future man to come at me in a raunchy manner.  Stop all communication with me, delete my information, I am not interested.

From there he sends two more texts.  I don't open them, I delete them.  I also blocked him on Match.

So the end of month has come and gone when I receive a text from an unsaved number.

Unknown: You got a man now.  I just wanted to check.
Me: I do not have this number saved, who is this?
Unknown: This is your future man (insert picture).  I am working in my office.
***I recognize the picture as him and delete the text***
Unknown: Stop acting up.  It is time to make up.
***Insert Crickets…….delete, delete, delete***

So now I see he is disrespectful and delusional. #fml

Not Again…..Damn Introverts!

So perhaps meeting men at conferences is not a good thing.  If you read my previous post, you'll know I met "The Old Man" at one.

During October 2013, I went to a party for a conference.  Hundreds of people were everywhere.  My friends and I were having a blast.  After a few hours, my feet turned against me.  There were no chairs at this party, so I found the wall.  It was there that I noticed "hazel eyes."  He was adorable: tall, bald, cute, and hazel eyes.

We started chatting and shared a few laughs, but it was getting late.  I thanked him for our chat and proceeded to walk away.  He stopped me and asked for my number.  I gave it to him and headed to my car.  The next day he called.  I was pleasantly surprised.  He didn't wait 3 days, lol.  We stayed on the phone for three hours.  The conversation was not forced.  Before we ended our call, he set up our first date.

The day had arrived for our first date.  He had me meet him at his home so he could drive.  I normally don't do that, but we had spoken everyday for 5 days straight so I was comfortable.  As we were walking to the car, he didn't open the car door.  I decided not to make a big deal out of it.  When we arrived at the eatery, he did get the door to the building and had good manners once inside.  I'm old school in the sense that I am big on manners and chivalry.  The night ended and I thought to myself, "This has potential."

After that initial date, we started hanging out on a routine basis.  The problem is that it was always at his house.  I wanted more dates.  We were in the courting phase, not the long term phase.  I brought it up a couple of times and he would blow it off.  After about six weeks of no dates, I told him the only way he was going to see me was if we had date night.  He complied.

More time is passing by and I feel like he pulled a bait and switch on me.  What used to be daily phone calls turned into texts.  What used to be decent texts turned into short hand messages like "wyd."  I was completely confused.  I had the sinking feeling I dated his "representative" the first month and now I was starting to see the real him.  He couldn't even make it 90 days before he started to suck.  Now I am just going along with the motions.

On a normal basis, I would have put in my resignation letter.  BUT, a cute face will buy you some time.  His time started running out when I got sick with flu like symptoms.  I told him I was ill.  All he did was text, "I hope you feel better."  To put things in perspective, my married homeboy heard I was sick and brought me food because I was too weak to move.  Any man you are dating, that can't check on you when you are genuinely sick is no good.

The next offense happened when I got a new job.  All he did was text, "You deserve it."  No congratulation card or pat on the back.  I had two different friends take me to dinner to celebrate my new position.  So much for having a support system.  Plus, when I would travel for my job he never checked to see if I made it safely.

Then there was Christmas.  I didn't get a thing from him, not even a candy cane.  I wasn't expecting a Gucci, but it had been two months.  Plus I got him a gift.  This man put no effort into anything.  All he was good for was sitting on his couch, working, and actively putting no effort into our courtship.

He also told me he hates "PDA."  That included hugs.  So on the few occasions we did go out, I wasn't allowed to hold his hand, sit too close, etc.  That pretty much sucked!  I am not overly mushy, but if you're my boo I feel entitled to some affection……sheesh.  Now if we were at his home, he was all about cuddle time.

I consider myself to be proactive.  I decided I was going to discretely try strategies from the 5 Love Languages, and see which one he responds to.  I tried them all and his dry ass was not appreciative of shit.  He barely said thank you.

It was now January and I had enough.  I was putting my best foot forward and he was putting in his pinky toe.  I had to send a "Dear John" text: I am not happy.  This is not the foundation I want to establish for a long term relationship.  I would like to be with someone who is enthusiastic about getting to know me and the courting process.  I wish you the best.

Do you know he never responded to that text.  Rude and detached to the bitter end.  Introverts work my last nerve when it comes to dating!

The Old Man

I was doing some volunteer work for an organization that will remain nameless.  My job was to welcome the attendants as they arrived at the hospitality suite.  I thought to myself…..no problem, just put on your happy face and you'll be fine.  One thing you should note is that I am known to have "Bitch Face." I promise I am a well adjusted and happy person, lol.

Guest are arriving, and my cheeks are hurting from all the smiling.  Low and behold, "The Old Man" shows up.  I welcome him to the suite and keep it moving.  Well, he didn't leave.  He looks me up and down, asked for my name, and had this goofy grin on his face.  At that point, I could have cared less about this.  I was just trying to look like the happiest person ever and could only focus on the task at hand.

A couple of hours go by and it's time to go home.  I make my way to the lobby and bump into "The Old Man."  During this time, he asked for my number.  Now that my cheeks had relaxed and I didn't have to worry about my "bitch face" I was more inclined to hold a conversation.  Turns out he was pretty cool.  We made plans to meet up the following day.

So let's fast forward.  After the conference weekend, we stayed in touch.  We didn't reside in the same city, but we did a good job with phone calls and routine texts.  It was during one of those conversations I discovered he was 17 years older than me.  I am so glad he told me that via phone conversation.  My face was no good after that.  After careful thinking, I decided "age ain't nothing but a number."

Some weeks have gone by and I was asked to go out of town with him.  We had a blast!  In my mind, I was thinking, "Dating an older person rocks."  He's established, gotten the "ho" out of his system, and knows how to communicate.  He even came to my city for my birthday weekend months later.  I "thought" we were having fun.

Welllllllllll, I might have spoken prematurely.  As the months passes, I was comfortable enough to "dig deeper."  I knew he was a divorcee' but I had not asked how long he had been divorced.  From the very beginning, I told "The Old Man" I was dating for potential and looking for long term.  He told me he was on the same page.  HE WAS NOT!  The ink had barely dried.  It had been less than six months since he and his ex-wife divorced.  Plus, he told me he was not interested in having additional children.  News alert, I am 17 years younger than him and plan to use these ovaries.

In addition, he started pulling disappearing acts.  What used to be daily calls turned into occasional texts.  I was not amused.  I called him out on his bull.  I then got the "I am an introvert" speech.  According to him, he has to have time to recharge.  Folks, please recall we don't live in the same city.  It's not like I pack a bag and camp out at his house for days on end.  It's not like I don't have a job, and spend all my time calling him.  It's not like I send 20 texts in a row.

It was time for "the talk."  I explained to "The Old Man" that I had been nothing but upfront with him and how he was contradicting himself.  I explained how I barely knew anything about him and he uses the whole extrovert speech as an excuse.  I had to break it down that I am not a toy that he can play with when he wants to.  I am a person who enjoys consistency.  In the end, he actually agreed to what I told him.  I thanked him and kindly let him know the damage had been done.  I made a mental note to myself, don't date self proclaimed introverts!