Drink Bleach!

A friend of mine met a great guy on Match.com and they are thriving.  I believe she has met "the one." In the past, I have tried Match and it was a hot mess.  I don't meet the well adjusted people on the commercials.  I end up with the "touched" individuals.

But being a half full vs. empty type of person, I told her I would give it 30 days.  Thankfully Groupon had a coupon for $15.  I just didn't have the heart to pay full price.  I go ahead and set up my account and let the games begin.

Instantly my inbox is flooded and I go through the screening process.  Here's a list of honorable mentions:
- You like white boys?  Let's go out.
- Hey sexy, we going out.
- I feel connected to you.
- I'm horny, let's meet up.
- The guy who only texted after 10 PM.

One in particular, really made me want to slap the dog ish out of him.  He sent me a message introducing himself.  I checked out his profile and followed up with a response.  We go back and forth and eventually exchange numbers.  Heaven forbid someone actually has a phone conversation.  He sends me a text asking about my weekend.  I told him some friends and I stayed at a beach house to celebrate a birthday.

Now this is where he took it to a dark place.

Match Guy: Since you were at the beach, I know you have a swimsuit pic.  Send me one.
Me: It was in the low 60's, strong winds, and mist.  There were no swimsuits being worn that day.
Match Guy: I know you have to have a bikini pic in the archives.  Send one of those.
Me: Ummmmm……NO.  You are essentially a stranger.
Match Guy: Don't act like I am one of those weird internet guys.  You are on a dating site.
Me: Had you taken the time to get to know me, my last name, and spend quality time with me you probably would have seen me in a swimsuit in person.  But instead you chose to be raunchy and disrespectful.  I don't owe you shit.
Match Guy: Wait, I just wanted to have a picture of you so I wouldn't have to keep logging in to the site.  You have a nice smile and facial features.  Just curious what the rest looks like.
Me: You are back peddling and I have full length pictures posted.  You specifically asked for a swimsuit picture.  I hope your daughter gets asked for a swimsuit picture the next time she meets a guy.  Let's see if it's all smiles then.
Match Guy: You could be missing out on a blessing blowing me off.
Me: I don't think God intends for my future man to come at me in a raunchy manner.  Stop all communication with me, delete my information, I am not interested.

From there he sends two more texts.  I don't open them, I delete them.  I also blocked him on Match.

So the end of month has come and gone when I receive a text from an unsaved number.

Unknown: You got a man now.  I just wanted to check.
Me: I do not have this number saved, who is this?
Unknown: This is your future man (insert picture).  I am working in my office.
***I recognize the picture as him and delete the text***
Unknown: Stop acting up.  It is time to make up.
***Insert Crickets…….delete, delete, delete***

So now I see he is disrespectful and delusional. #fml