I am NOT THIRSTY!

So I decided to give the site "Plenty of Fish" another try.  I exchanged numbers with one guy, and we scheduled a meet and greet.  We met in the bar area of a local eatery, and things were nice enough.  We watched one of the play off games and had small talk.  Afterwards, he walked me to my car and I proceeded to my home.

When I got home, he gave me a phone call.  I thought it was his way of making sure I made it home safely.  He then asked me, "Had I invited you over to my place, would you have come?"  I tell him, "I would have respectfully declined."  He then asked, "Had I kissed you in the parking lot, would you have been mad?"  I tell him, "I would not have been mad, but it would have caught me off guard considering this was a meet and greet."  We chat for a few more minutes and then hang up.

For the next couple of days, we exchange texts.  He made sure to let me know he doesn't do phone calls.  Either face to face conversations or texts.  One day in particular, he sends me a text asking me to come over to his place to watch the game.  Mind you I don't know his last name.  I tell him I do not want to go to his place.  Instead, I suggest we meet at a sports bar.  He starts complaining telling me to come over, I should take a chance, I should trust him, etc.  I stand my ground and tell him no.  After that, I didn't hear from him.  I am so happy I didn't go over.  I have a feeling he would have tried to make a move.

Fast forward two weeks later.  I am at the gym and see him.  This is not the norm since he does not live near me.  I think he showed up on purpose.  While I'm on the elliptical, he is blowing up my phone.  I don't answer.  He eventually walks over to me. I roll my eyes and keep listening to my ipod.  Later that evening he calls again and sends texts.  The next day I answered his "So you done with me" text: My response: Yes, I am done.  You went ghost when I declined your invitation.  There is nothing to talk about.

I am not some naive booty call in the  making and will not entertain tom-foolery!

In Denial (Part 2)

In Denial (Part 1) gives you background info on Ole Boy.  Well, this is the cherry on top!

So you know when you first meet someone, you ask some very basic questions: Where are you from?  Have you been married?  What do you do?

I should have known something was off when he told me he was a principal of a high school.  I am very familiar with that high school and asked if the current principal resigned.  From there he tried to do damage control and tell me he was the principal of the 9th grade academy, within the school.  I, again, had to let him know that was not the case.  I flat out said, "You are an Assistant Principal." People, there is a difference and there is no need to lie about your position in life.

The next lie was about his upbringing.  He originally said he was from South Carolina.  Somehow I brought up Alabama within this conversation.  Of of a sudden, he is now from Alabama.  I told him I was confused.  He then said his mom relocated to South Carolina later in life, AFTER he was an adult.  I asked him, "Why did you say South Carolina?" He just changed the subject.  I am really starting to see he battles with the truth.

The third lie was the most offensive.  I asked him in the beginning had he ever been married.  He told me no, but he did have a daughter from a previous relationship.  What he failed to realize is that we live in a small world.  My current team member used to work at his school.  After out first date, I told her I went out with him.  In a non-malicious way she said, "Ohhh yeah, I remember he had a bad divorce."  Divorce?  I tell her, "No, he hasn't been married."  We go back and forth with this.  I even tell her, "Perhaps they were common law only."  My team member looks at me like I'm special.  Then, she hit me with the eww wee.  She gets her friend on the phone to confirm he used to be married.  Might I add, that friend attended the ceremony.

I have no problems with a divorce.  It's not that serious.  What I can't stand is a liar.  He lied to my face.  I wanted to give him a chance to "fix it."  I asked him again had he ever been married.  He again told me no.  He then said, "People have made that mistake before thinking he had been married."  Where they do that at?  I then told him, my team mate recalls you being married.  He still says no.  I then tell him, "She has a friend who attended the ceremony."  That is when the crickets started chirping, lol.  Haven't heard from him since.

Just to double check myself, I looked him up on the county clerk website.  He in fact had been married.  To top it off, he and his ex-wife had a child together.  He rather let people think he had a child out of wedlock than claim his ex.  Oh yeah, both of them have their daughter on the Facebook profile picture.  Case closed.

In Denial (Part 1)

I went to a mixer one evening with some friends.  Everyone was having a good time, including myself.  At one point I was standing off to the side when a guy tapped me on the shoulder.  We made small talk.  Afterwards, I kept it moving.  Later on that evening, he stopped me again and asked for my number.  He was handsome so we exchanged numbers.

The conversations were great.  He appeared to be real intelligent and fun.  For a moment, I thought this could work.  We finally set up a first date.  He told me to meet him at this nice restaurant for a late dinner.  I get to the restaurant first and it's almost empty.  This is weird considering it is Friday.  I make my way to the host, who politely asked me if I needed anything.  I tell him I am meeting someone for dinner and will take a table for two.  The host proceeds to tell me that the restaurant closed 10 minutes ago.  I pull out my phone to make sure I am at the correct location.  Ole boy tells me he is parking and on his way up.

As he enters the restaurant, I tell him the kitchen is closed.  He gets all flustered asking to see the manager.  I guess my word is not good enough.  After the manager confirms that the kitchen is closed, I make the suggestion to go to a sushi restaurant next door.  We get to the second spot and things are going well.  We have a good conversation over dinner, followed by cocktails at a nearby lounge.  The night ends with him walking me to the car.  I give him a hug and head home.  I decide the restaurant mishap was just a glitch.

We schedule a second date on a Wednesday.  He wants me to try an Italian restaurant.  Afterwards, we are supposed to go to the movies.  I was scheduled to meet him for 6:30 pm.  I arrive at 6:20 pm, and let him know I am there.  He tells me he is in route. Well, 40 minutes later he brings his happy ass on to the restaurant.  Oh yeah, he is buzzed.  Turns out he and his co-workers decided to go to happy hour after work.  He was having so much fun with them that he was extra late meeting me.  I promise had I not been so hungry, I would have left.  While I am eating dinner, he's picking away at a salad with glossy eyes.

At this point, we have missed the movie start time.  We stretch out dinner to catch the next showing.  This one is in 3D.  I am secretly happy he has to pay more for this showing.  Fifteen minutes into the movie, I hear some snoring.  Is this fool serious?  The booze and dark lighting knocked his butt out.  I decide not to wake him and enjoy the movie.  Once the credits roll, I wake him up.  This date has left a bad taste in my mouth.

We continue to stay in touch, then all of a sudden he's ghost.  I knew he was going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, but it' not like his phone doesn't work.  After almost a week, I hear from him and he asked if I could stop by his job.  I oblige.  While chatting in his office, he tells me he feels like he is the only one putting in work and that he is used to a woman actively pursuing him.  I had to control my facial expressions.  I paused, and shut that argument down in under a minute. By the end of it, he was apologizing to me.  His convenient amnesia did not amuse me.  I had to remind him that I've answered his calls, returned his calls, made calls, had him over to watch movies (Rated G evening), and managed to be on time to everything.

Now, I am starting to lose interest.  He is working my nerves.  On top of that, a family member suddenly passed.  I have to accompany my grandmother to California.  I sent ole boy a text message letting him know.  Two days later he calls to ask about my Sunday.  I tell him I am in California.  He's all confused.  At that point, I went into thug mode. "So damn dude, you not checking text messages now?" "Always whining about about not feeling the love."  "How about you scroll through that phone of yours."  I hear the click sounds and know he is checking my text.  Now it's "My bad." "So sorry." Blah, blah, blah.

I get back home and have had enough.  The next incident was the deal breaker.

The Blind Date

One of my former co-workers decided she wanted to fix me up with the IT guy.  I was reluctant, but agreed to it.  She went on raving on how he's so nice, polite, and I would just love him.  Already, I am doing the side eye because my former co-worker has no idea what I like in a man, and she is a lesbian.  Boris, Benzino.......they all look the same to her.  Clearly, there is a difference.  I decide to be a good sport and go.  My former co-worker sets it all up.  All I have to do is show up at a local restaurant, and be on time.

At this point, we have had no contact and I have have no clue what he looks like.  Basically, I am going to look for a confused brown person.  I get there on time, and find a spot at the bar.  He shows up a couple of minutes later.  As he walks up, I laughed internally.  I am 5'10" and he is 5'7".  I know he has to be 130 pounds soaking wet.  Physically, I am not feeling him.

After we get a table, we begin chatting and cover the basics: job, family, and fun.  It went downhill when we discussed fun.  I am single and young.  From time to time, I will go out with friends, travel, enjoy a festival, bowling, etc.  He told me his weekends consist of reading books, doing laundry, and napping.  He then seemed so confused by my social life.  Like I am supposed to feel bad for not being a hobbit.

The waitress comes around for our order.  I just get a glass of wine.  I've already eaten prior to arrival and want to wrap this date up.  He follows suit and orders a glass, as well.  I can tell he is struggling with the wine.  He confesses that he doesn't drink and will probably only have 3 sips total.  Now I am not saying you have to drink, but damn, put on your big boy pants or order a Coke.

The meet and greet is wrapping up.  As I make my way to my car, I know I will not be contacting him for a second encounter.  Clearly, he was thinking the same thing.  The next day I get an email from him telling me it is not going to work and that he wishes me luck in my journey for love.  Damn, he beat me to it........

What Was I Thinking?

There is a saying that states people show you who they are the first time. Lawd, I should have listened. A few years ago I met "Juice Head Gorilla." We attempted to date and it didn't work out. We had conflicting views on how couples should engage in safe sex. I believe couples should use protection. This man believes in free love after knowing someone for one second.

Let's fast forward three years later.  I am at a friend's holiday party and see Gorilla Boy. I speak and we are cordial. From there, he asked me to step outside to talk. While outside, he proceeds to tell me how he's always liked me, how he wants to seriously date me, and wants to start over.  It was actually sweet so I agreed to go out with him.

Our date went well, he's calling, returning texts........all that good stuff. I'm thinking, "Wow, he changed." I was wrong. This fool tried to assassinate me. He tries to pretend he is using/wearing protection and slips it off when you are not paying attention. HE HAD TO GO!!! That is morally wrong, nasty, sneaky, and not safe.

I am so glad I saw what I needed......ole nasty ass gorilla. Second chances, in this case, is for the birds.