Not Again…..Damn Introverts!

So perhaps meeting men at conferences is not a good thing.  If you read my previous post, you'll know I met "The Old Man" at one.

During October 2013, I went to a party for a conference.  Hundreds of people were everywhere.  My friends and I were having a blast.  After a few hours, my feet turned against me.  There were no chairs at this party, so I found the wall.  It was there that I noticed "hazel eyes."  He was adorable: tall, bald, cute, and hazel eyes.

We started chatting and shared a few laughs, but it was getting late.  I thanked him for our chat and proceeded to walk away.  He stopped me and asked for my number.  I gave it to him and headed to my car.  The next day he called.  I was pleasantly surprised.  He didn't wait 3 days, lol.  We stayed on the phone for three hours.  The conversation was not forced.  Before we ended our call, he set up our first date.

The day had arrived for our first date.  He had me meet him at his home so he could drive.  I normally don't do that, but we had spoken everyday for 5 days straight so I was comfortable.  As we were walking to the car, he didn't open the car door.  I decided not to make a big deal out of it.  When we arrived at the eatery, he did get the door to the building and had good manners once inside.  I'm old school in the sense that I am big on manners and chivalry.  The night ended and I thought to myself, "This has potential."

After that initial date, we started hanging out on a routine basis.  The problem is that it was always at his house.  I wanted more dates.  We were in the courting phase, not the long term phase.  I brought it up a couple of times and he would blow it off.  After about six weeks of no dates, I told him the only way he was going to see me was if we had date night.  He complied.

More time is passing by and I feel like he pulled a bait and switch on me.  What used to be daily phone calls turned into texts.  What used to be decent texts turned into short hand messages like "wyd."  I was completely confused.  I had the sinking feeling I dated his "representative" the first month and now I was starting to see the real him.  He couldn't even make it 90 days before he started to suck.  Now I am just going along with the motions.

On a normal basis, I would have put in my resignation letter.  BUT, a cute face will buy you some time.  His time started running out when I got sick with flu like symptoms.  I told him I was ill.  All he did was text, "I hope you feel better."  To put things in perspective, my married homeboy heard I was sick and brought me food because I was too weak to move.  Any man you are dating, that can't check on you when you are genuinely sick is no good.

The next offense happened when I got a new job.  All he did was text, "You deserve it."  No congratulation card or pat on the back.  I had two different friends take me to dinner to celebrate my new position.  So much for having a support system.  Plus, when I would travel for my job he never checked to see if I made it safely.

Then there was Christmas.  I didn't get a thing from him, not even a candy cane.  I wasn't expecting a Gucci, but it had been two months.  Plus I got him a gift.  This man put no effort into anything.  All he was good for was sitting on his couch, working, and actively putting no effort into our courtship.

He also told me he hates "PDA."  That included hugs.  So on the few occasions we did go out, I wasn't allowed to hold his hand, sit too close, etc.  That pretty much sucked!  I am not overly mushy, but if you're my boo I feel entitled to some affection……sheesh.  Now if we were at his home, he was all about cuddle time.

I consider myself to be proactive.  I decided I was going to discretely try strategies from the 5 Love Languages, and see which one he responds to.  I tried them all and his dry ass was not appreciative of shit.  He barely said thank you.

It was now January and I had enough.  I was putting my best foot forward and he was putting in his pinky toe.  I had to send a "Dear John" text: I am not happy.  This is not the foundation I want to establish for a long term relationship.  I would like to be with someone who is enthusiastic about getting to know me and the courting process.  I wish you the best.

Do you know he never responded to that text.  Rude and detached to the bitter end.  Introverts work my last nerve when it comes to dating!

The Old Man

I was doing some volunteer work for an organization that will remain nameless.  My job was to welcome the attendants as they arrived at the hospitality suite.  I thought to myself…..no problem, just put on your happy face and you'll be fine.  One thing you should note is that I am known to have "Bitch Face." I promise I am a well adjusted and happy person, lol.

Guest are arriving, and my cheeks are hurting from all the smiling.  Low and behold, "The Old Man" shows up.  I welcome him to the suite and keep it moving.  Well, he didn't leave.  He looks me up and down, asked for my name, and had this goofy grin on his face.  At that point, I could have cared less about this.  I was just trying to look like the happiest person ever and could only focus on the task at hand.

A couple of hours go by and it's time to go home.  I make my way to the lobby and bump into "The Old Man."  During this time, he asked for my number.  Now that my cheeks had relaxed and I didn't have to worry about my "bitch face" I was more inclined to hold a conversation.  Turns out he was pretty cool.  We made plans to meet up the following day.

So let's fast forward.  After the conference weekend, we stayed in touch.  We didn't reside in the same city, but we did a good job with phone calls and routine texts.  It was during one of those conversations I discovered he was 17 years older than me.  I am so glad he told me that via phone conversation.  My face was no good after that.  After careful thinking, I decided "age ain't nothing but a number."

Some weeks have gone by and I was asked to go out of town with him.  We had a blast!  In my mind, I was thinking, "Dating an older person rocks."  He's established, gotten the "ho" out of his system, and knows how to communicate.  He even came to my city for my birthday weekend months later.  I "thought" we were having fun.

Welllllllllll, I might have spoken prematurely.  As the months passes, I was comfortable enough to "dig deeper."  I knew he was a divorcee' but I had not asked how long he had been divorced.  From the very beginning, I told "The Old Man" I was dating for potential and looking for long term.  He told me he was on the same page.  HE WAS NOT!  The ink had barely dried.  It had been less than six months since he and his ex-wife divorced.  Plus, he told me he was not interested in having additional children.  News alert, I am 17 years younger than him and plan to use these ovaries.

In addition, he started pulling disappearing acts.  What used to be daily calls turned into occasional texts.  I was not amused.  I called him out on his bull.  I then got the "I am an introvert" speech.  According to him, he has to have time to recharge.  Folks, please recall we don't live in the same city.  It's not like I pack a bag and camp out at his house for days on end.  It's not like I don't have a job, and spend all my time calling him.  It's not like I send 20 texts in a row.

It was time for "the talk."  I explained to "The Old Man" that I had been nothing but upfront with him and how he was contradicting himself.  I explained how I barely knew anything about him and he uses the whole extrovert speech as an excuse.  I had to break it down that I am not a toy that he can play with when he wants to.  I am a person who enjoys consistency.  In the end, he actually agreed to what I told him.  I thanked him and kindly let him know the damage had been done.  I made a mental note to myself, don't date self proclaimed introverts!

I am NOT THIRSTY!

So I decided to give the site "Plenty of Fish" another try.  I exchanged numbers with one guy, and we scheduled a meet and greet.  We met in the bar area of a local eatery, and things were nice enough.  We watched one of the play off games and had small talk.  Afterwards, he walked me to my car and I proceeded to my home.

When I got home, he gave me a phone call.  I thought it was his way of making sure I made it home safely.  He then asked me, "Had I invited you over to my place, would you have come?"  I tell him, "I would have respectfully declined."  He then asked, "Had I kissed you in the parking lot, would you have been mad?"  I tell him, "I would not have been mad, but it would have caught me off guard considering this was a meet and greet."  We chat for a few more minutes and then hang up.

For the next couple of days, we exchange texts.  He made sure to let me know he doesn't do phone calls.  Either face to face conversations or texts.  One day in particular, he sends me a text asking me to come over to his place to watch the game.  Mind you I don't know his last name.  I tell him I do not want to go to his place.  Instead, I suggest we meet at a sports bar.  He starts complaining telling me to come over, I should take a chance, I should trust him, etc.  I stand my ground and tell him no.  After that, I didn't hear from him.  I am so happy I didn't go over.  I have a feeling he would have tried to make a move.

Fast forward two weeks later.  I am at the gym and see him.  This is not the norm since he does not live near me.  I think he showed up on purpose.  While I'm on the elliptical, he is blowing up my phone.  I don't answer.  He eventually walks over to me. I roll my eyes and keep listening to my ipod.  Later that evening he calls again and sends texts.  The next day I answered his "So you done with me" text: My response: Yes, I am done.  You went ghost when I declined your invitation.  There is nothing to talk about.

I am not some naive booty call in the  making and will not entertain tom-foolery!

In Denial (Part 2)

In Denial (Part 1) gives you background info on Ole Boy.  Well, this is the cherry on top!

So you know when you first meet someone, you ask some very basic questions: Where are you from?  Have you been married?  What do you do?

I should have known something was off when he told me he was a principal of a high school.  I am very familiar with that high school and asked if the current principal resigned.  From there he tried to do damage control and tell me he was the principal of the 9th grade academy, within the school.  I, again, had to let him know that was not the case.  I flat out said, "You are an Assistant Principal." People, there is a difference and there is no need to lie about your position in life.

The next lie was about his upbringing.  He originally said he was from South Carolina.  Somehow I brought up Alabama within this conversation.  Of of a sudden, he is now from Alabama.  I told him I was confused.  He then said his mom relocated to South Carolina later in life, AFTER he was an adult.  I asked him, "Why did you say South Carolina?" He just changed the subject.  I am really starting to see he battles with the truth.

The third lie was the most offensive.  I asked him in the beginning had he ever been married.  He told me no, but he did have a daughter from a previous relationship.  What he failed to realize is that we live in a small world.  My current team member used to work at his school.  After out first date, I told her I went out with him.  In a non-malicious way she said, "Ohhh yeah, I remember he had a bad divorce."  Divorce?  I tell her, "No, he hasn't been married."  We go back and forth with this.  I even tell her, "Perhaps they were common law only."  My team member looks at me like I'm special.  Then, she hit me with the eww wee.  She gets her friend on the phone to confirm he used to be married.  Might I add, that friend attended the ceremony.

I have no problems with a divorce.  It's not that serious.  What I can't stand is a liar.  He lied to my face.  I wanted to give him a chance to "fix it."  I asked him again had he ever been married.  He again told me no.  He then said, "People have made that mistake before thinking he had been married."  Where they do that at?  I then told him, my team mate recalls you being married.  He still says no.  I then tell him, "She has a friend who attended the ceremony."  That is when the crickets started chirping, lol.  Haven't heard from him since.

Just to double check myself, I looked him up on the county clerk website.  He in fact had been married.  To top it off, he and his ex-wife had a child together.  He rather let people think he had a child out of wedlock than claim his ex.  Oh yeah, both of them have their daughter on the Facebook profile picture.  Case closed.

In Denial (Part 1)

I went to a mixer one evening with some friends.  Everyone was having a good time, including myself.  At one point I was standing off to the side when a guy tapped me on the shoulder.  We made small talk.  Afterwards, I kept it moving.  Later on that evening, he stopped me again and asked for my number.  He was handsome so we exchanged numbers.

The conversations were great.  He appeared to be real intelligent and fun.  For a moment, I thought this could work.  We finally set up a first date.  He told me to meet him at this nice restaurant for a late dinner.  I get to the restaurant first and it's almost empty.  This is weird considering it is Friday.  I make my way to the host, who politely asked me if I needed anything.  I tell him I am meeting someone for dinner and will take a table for two.  The host proceeds to tell me that the restaurant closed 10 minutes ago.  I pull out my phone to make sure I am at the correct location.  Ole boy tells me he is parking and on his way up.

As he enters the restaurant, I tell him the kitchen is closed.  He gets all flustered asking to see the manager.  I guess my word is not good enough.  After the manager confirms that the kitchen is closed, I make the suggestion to go to a sushi restaurant next door.  We get to the second spot and things are going well.  We have a good conversation over dinner, followed by cocktails at a nearby lounge.  The night ends with him walking me to the car.  I give him a hug and head home.  I decide the restaurant mishap was just a glitch.

We schedule a second date on a Wednesday.  He wants me to try an Italian restaurant.  Afterwards, we are supposed to go to the movies.  I was scheduled to meet him for 6:30 pm.  I arrive at 6:20 pm, and let him know I am there.  He tells me he is in route. Well, 40 minutes later he brings his happy ass on to the restaurant.  Oh yeah, he is buzzed.  Turns out he and his co-workers decided to go to happy hour after work.  He was having so much fun with them that he was extra late meeting me.  I promise had I not been so hungry, I would have left.  While I am eating dinner, he's picking away at a salad with glossy eyes.

At this point, we have missed the movie start time.  We stretch out dinner to catch the next showing.  This one is in 3D.  I am secretly happy he has to pay more for this showing.  Fifteen minutes into the movie, I hear some snoring.  Is this fool serious?  The booze and dark lighting knocked his butt out.  I decide not to wake him and enjoy the movie.  Once the credits roll, I wake him up.  This date has left a bad taste in my mouth.

We continue to stay in touch, then all of a sudden he's ghost.  I knew he was going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, but it' not like his phone doesn't work.  After almost a week, I hear from him and he asked if I could stop by his job.  I oblige.  While chatting in his office, he tells me he feels like he is the only one putting in work and that he is used to a woman actively pursuing him.  I had to control my facial expressions.  I paused, and shut that argument down in under a minute. By the end of it, he was apologizing to me.  His convenient amnesia did not amuse me.  I had to remind him that I've answered his calls, returned his calls, made calls, had him over to watch movies (Rated G evening), and managed to be on time to everything.

Now, I am starting to lose interest.  He is working my nerves.  On top of that, a family member suddenly passed.  I have to accompany my grandmother to California.  I sent ole boy a text message letting him know.  Two days later he calls to ask about my Sunday.  I tell him I am in California.  He's all confused.  At that point, I went into thug mode. "So damn dude, you not checking text messages now?" "Always whining about about not feeling the love."  "How about you scroll through that phone of yours."  I hear the click sounds and know he is checking my text.  Now it's "My bad." "So sorry." Blah, blah, blah.

I get back home and have had enough.  The next incident was the deal breaker.

The Blind Date

One of my former co-workers decided she wanted to fix me up with the IT guy.  I was reluctant, but agreed to it.  She went on raving on how he's so nice, polite, and I would just love him.  Already, I am doing the side eye because my former co-worker has no idea what I like in a man, and she is a lesbian.  Boris, Benzino.......they all look the same to her.  Clearly, there is a difference.  I decide to be a good sport and go.  My former co-worker sets it all up.  All I have to do is show up at a local restaurant, and be on time.

At this point, we have had no contact and I have have no clue what he looks like.  Basically, I am going to look for a confused brown person.  I get there on time, and find a spot at the bar.  He shows up a couple of minutes later.  As he walks up, I laughed internally.  I am 5'10" and he is 5'7".  I know he has to be 130 pounds soaking wet.  Physically, I am not feeling him.

After we get a table, we begin chatting and cover the basics: job, family, and fun.  It went downhill when we discussed fun.  I am single and young.  From time to time, I will go out with friends, travel, enjoy a festival, bowling, etc.  He told me his weekends consist of reading books, doing laundry, and napping.  He then seemed so confused by my social life.  Like I am supposed to feel bad for not being a hobbit.

The waitress comes around for our order.  I just get a glass of wine.  I've already eaten prior to arrival and want to wrap this date up.  He follows suit and orders a glass, as well.  I can tell he is struggling with the wine.  He confesses that he doesn't drink and will probably only have 3 sips total.  Now I am not saying you have to drink, but damn, put on your big boy pants or order a Coke.

The meet and greet is wrapping up.  As I make my way to my car, I know I will not be contacting him for a second encounter.  Clearly, he was thinking the same thing.  The next day I get an email from him telling me it is not going to work and that he wishes me luck in my journey for love.  Damn, he beat me to it........

What Was I Thinking?

There is a saying that states people show you who they are the first time. Lawd, I should have listened. A few years ago I met "Juice Head Gorilla." We attempted to date and it didn't work out. We had conflicting views on how couples should engage in safe sex. I believe couples should use protection. This man believes in free love after knowing someone for one second.

Let's fast forward three years later.  I am at a friend's holiday party and see Gorilla Boy. I speak and we are cordial. From there, he asked me to step outside to talk. While outside, he proceeds to tell me how he's always liked me, how he wants to seriously date me, and wants to start over.  It was actually sweet so I agreed to go out with him.

Our date went well, he's calling, returning texts........all that good stuff. I'm thinking, "Wow, he changed." I was wrong. This fool tried to assassinate me. He tries to pretend he is using/wearing protection and slips it off when you are not paying attention. HE HAD TO GO!!! That is morally wrong, nasty, sneaky, and not safe.

I am so glad I saw what I needed......ole nasty ass gorilla. Second chances, in this case, is for the birds.